The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 18 Episode 13: "Springfield Up" Quotes
Declan Desmond: (to Homer and Marge) Are you two considering children?
Homer: Pfft. Kids? No way. You won't see a couple of rugrats tying me down.
(Cut to eight years later, Homer and Marge with baby Bart and Lisa)
Homer: You better not put this shot after the one where I said I won't have kids. That would be a devastating edit.
Homer: Oh! This is Eduardo. He's the pool boy. He thinks he's an angry old rich man.
Mr. Burns: I am an angry old rich man!
Homer: (whispers) That's the pool chemicals talking.
Homer: (to Marge) All those years I was dreaming of other things, I was actually doing what I really wanted: hanging out with my family, drinking with my friends, making friends with my family and hanging with my drinking.
Young Homer: When I grow up, I'm gonna have a huge castle, a pinball machine with infinity quarters, eight pairs of peanut butter and jelly pajamas how many wishes do I have left?
Declan Desmond: None. You never had any. I'm not a genie.
Young Homer: D'oh!
Declan Desmond: Now Homer, your dreams will take a lot of money and, don't look at me, look at the camera.
Young Homer: Got it.
Declan Desmond: I said look at the camera.
(Homer looks down)
Declan Desmond: Now you're looking at a mud puttle.
(Homer looks at his left hand)
Declan Desmond: Now you're looking at your hand!
(Homer looks to the right.)
Declan Desmond: Now you're looking at the production company!
(Homer looks at his other hand)
Declan Desmond: That's your other hand! Do you even know what a camera is?
Young Homer: What! Of course I, um, no.
Declan Desmond: Ok, I'm going to put this squeaky toy on top of the camera.
(Homer's head goes up as the toy squeaks)
Young Homer: Oh! Squeaky! Squeaky! Squeaky squeaky squeaky!
Declan Desmond: I can't believe it! Homer Simpson! A bloody millionaire!
Homer: Why do you sound so surprised? This is our fifth take.
Chief Wiggum: As you can see, I've gotten everything I ever wanted.
Lou: Except pants that fit.
I will be rich. I'll own a football team and a basketball team and I'll make them play baseball.
Homer
My dad was a circus freak but my mom don't remember which one. I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.
Moe
It's been another 8 years, and what do I have? Same job, same house, same dirty joke book (He reads) Ha ha ha, I just thought for once I could be the cool guy in your movie, but all I am is the guy who makes everyone else look good.
Homer
Homer gave me a kidney, it wasn't his, I didn't need it and it came postage due, but still a lovely gesture.
Krusty
Marge: Homer! Don't kill the foreign man!
Homer: Relax Marge. I wasn't going to kill him.
(Knives drop out of Homer's shirt, and pants.)
(about Homer) He's the kindest, sweetest, most generous guy who ever drove through my living room.
Ned