Lisa: We're 1/64 black!
Bart: So that's why I'm so cool.
Lisa: And that's why my jazz is so smooth.
Homer: And that's why I earn less than my white co-workers.

Now let's take you to a place where a black man can blend in... Canada.

Marge [as Mabel]

I'll take that secret to my grave, or urn, or medical school dissecting table or wherever you're dumping me.


Colonel Burns, why ... I haven't heard my father's name in years.

Mr. Burns

After that fateful day I could never even look at Eliza again. It didn't help that the next day he drank bad well water and went blind.

Milhouse [reading diary]

Ralph: Mr. Luther King had a dream. Dreams are where Elmo and Toy Story had a party, and I went there. Yay, my turn is over.
Principal Skinner: One of your best Ralph.

A little schmutz, a little schmear, and presto, you're part of the underclown railroad.


To the library? Can you believe we're married to those nerds?

Homer [to Bart]

Homer: The motto of the Simpsons is: "quit while you're ahead."
Marge: I made it into a sampler.

A week ago, I had no idea of what the future would bring, which I guess is true of everyone all the time

Lisa [reading Eliza's diary]

Lisa: Our family was on the underground railroad.
Bart: We ran a subway station?
Lisa: No, the underground railroad was a bunch of people that helped slaves escape to Canada. There were no actual trains and it wasn't underground.
Bart: Then they should have called it the "above ground normal road."
Homer: Good point, Bart.
Lisa: I never thought of that before.
Marge: Very good, Bart.

Our ancestors were kicked out of Australia.


The Simpsons Season 21 Episode 13 Quotes

Yeah, the Simpson family is a long line of horse thieves, deadbeats, horse beats, dead thieves and a few alcoholics.


Willie: I'll have to use explosives.
Bart: Explosives? Great! [takes out map] If we put charges on the load bearing walls, we can blow up detention hall, leaving art class okay.
Willie: Hmm?
Bart: What! I like art, okay?
Willie: I'm blowing up the stump, not the school.
Bart: Right right, you never saw that.