The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 20 Quotes
Stupid grocery list, making food into work.
Homer
Marge: Bart, how did you get a cell phone?
Bart: The same way you got me. By accident, on a golf course.
Son, we can't afford to get you a cell phone. As it is, I'm buying frozen peas in installments.
Marge
(Dr. Hibbert gives Bart money after retrieving his golf ball.)
Bart: A dollar? What for?
Dr. Hibbert: It's the least I could do. These balls cost five dollars new.
Bart: So I can get a dollar for every ball I find? Then if a cell phone costs $100, how many balls do I need?
Dr. Hibbert: (speaking aside to Dr. Riviera, his caddy) This is why my kids go to private school. (Laughs)
Lisa: (seeing what her parents are up to) Tracking software? (gasps) You're spying on Bart!
Marge: Honey, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
Moe: (Listening to Marge via his own bugging device in the basement) That's right my beautiful, beautiful Midge. (Laughs) Soon, you'll be mine.
FBI Agent #1: (observing Moe via spy camera) Keep talking, creepo.
FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
(Bart prank calls Hawaii.)
Hawaiian Bartender: Aloha.
Bart: Aloha to you. I'm looking for Maya. Last name Normousbutt.
Hawaiian Bartender: Hang on. I'll check. Uh, has anyone seen Maya Normousbutt?
(Bar patrons laugh.)
(Bart is at Lisa's tea party)
Bart: I don't know why I agreed to this.
Lisa: Because you like the taste of my imaginary tea.
Bart: Oh, you're right.
Mom, even Milhouse has a cell phone. Your son is lamer than Milhouse! What does that say about you?
Bart
Principal Skinner: I can't believe I'm out of gas. I put in one dollar of gas and I've only driven ninety cents.
Agnes Skinner: You had to drive with the windows open, didn't you, Rockefeller?
Bart: I'm never gonna have a cell phone.
Lisa: And I'm never gonna go to Machu Pichu. In this family, you get used to disappointment.
(Bart's found cell phone rings)
Bart: Hello? Bart Simpson.
Denis Leary: This is Denis Leary, you little puke! When I find you, I'm gonna tear your heart out with two fingers! I know how to do it, too. I learned it for my show.
Bart: Which one? The one that got canceled, or the one that's gonna get canceled?
(Principal Skinner treats Superintendent Chalmers to dinner at his home.)
Superintendent Chalmers: Seymour, those string beans were cooked to perfection. After 20 years, I am finally starting to like you.
Principal Skinner: Just wait for dessert, sir. I made it with you in mind.
Superintendent Chalmers: Outstanding. I'll just shut my eyes and let you place it before me.
(Selma's erotic cake accidentally flies in through the window and lands on the table in front of Chalmers and Skinner and the two recoil in horror when they see it.)
Agnes: (from upstairs) Seymour! What's going on? I'm coming down there!
Superintendent Chalmers: Quick! We'll have to eat from each end. We'll know we're safe when our lips meet in the middle.
