The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 20 Quotes
Greetings, fellow Irishmen and lady-Irishmen!
Mayor Quimby
This was such a pleasant St. Patrick's day until the Irish people showed up.
Marge
Judge Snyder: Bail is set at $25,000.
Homer: (scoffs) I make that in a year.
Homer: Men, our negative energy has been harnessed to help keep Springfield's borders secure from Ogdenvillians. But first, our group needs a name that evokes America's proud history of citizens rising up to defend our way of life.
Cletus: The Klan?
Homer: Well, there are no bad ideas, but let's keep trying.
Cletus: The Nazis?
Homer: Okay, you stop trying.
Moe: Listen, Homer: in the back room, I got these super-tough Africanized bees. I saw this ad in a gentleman's magazine for excited African honeys and that's what they sent me. If we could combine them with Lisa's bees, it would make them strong enough to survive any environment.
Homer: But how are we supposed to combine the DNA of two strains of the same species?
Moe: Actually, Homer... (whispers)
Homer: (gasps) You and me?
Moe: No, the bees!
Homer: Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what I meant, too. I... have no... inclination.
Jimbo: Nice prank, Simpson. I dare you to dump that bees' nest on those second grade babies.
Bart: Why would I want to?
Jimbo: Because I said "I dare you." Kearney, can you read it back?
Kearney: (reading) "Nice prank, Simpson. I dare you to dump that bees' nest on those second-grade babies. Bart: Why would I want to? Jimbo: Because I said 'I dare you.' Kearney, can you read it back? Kearney, reading: Nice prank, Simpson. I dare you to--"
Jimbo: The point is, Simpson, a dare has been placed on your nards.
Bart: My nards accept.
Lisa: Willie, I didn't know you were an apiarist.
Groundskeeper Willie: From context, I can tell that means beekeeper.
Homer: Marge, remember when we were talking about our worst fears?
Marge: Uh-huh.
Homer: And mine was snakes, and yours was...?
Marge: Never being a grandmother.
Homer: Really? I thought it was Lisa with a beard of bees. Well, whatever, brace yourself.
(Lisa's bees are swarming around the breakfast table)
Bart: Mom, maybe you shouldn't have put so much syrup on the pancakes.
Homer: The secret is not to swallow the stingers. (takes big bite of pancakes with bees on them, and spits stingers out into a glass)
Lisa: Dad, don't eat the bees!
Homer: They're just drones, Lisa, they only live for, like, five minutes anyway! And they only have haploid cells, not diploid like me and Bart!
Bart: Yeah! (high-fives Homer)
(Lisa releases the bees into their sanctuary)
Lisa: Oh, I miss them.
Marge: Now you know how I'll feel when you go to college.
Lisa: You'll always have Bart! Always.
Marge: But he'll be gone a lot repairing refrigerators.
Lisa: Always.
Kill his acorns and make him watch.
Mr. Burns
Mayor Quimby: First, one announcement: I regret to inform you we are not offering childcare tonight. I don't know who that guy was you were leaving your kids with.
