Leo: Edna? That's the best name you could come up with?
Hoyt: I had a babysitter named Edna once. She smelled like lilacs dipped in honey.

Sam: Leo you cut it kinda close there.
Leo: I had to pee.

Steven:"Nice job taking care of that, Hoyt.
Hoyt: That means a lot coming from you sir. So maybe if you could say it again into my cell phone for a keepsake, that'd be amazing. You know, we can do it later. I'll remember the phrasing.

Sam: Do you think Brazilian women are the hottest women on the planet? I read that in Esquire."
Steven: You don't think I'm really gonna answer that do you?

All I have to do is convince the next president of Peru which one of his enemies would want to assassinate him. Simple.


It's like time stood still and so did your ass.


Samantha: I thought you checked out the French.
Hoyt: I did. I checked them out like library book.

Hoyt: Sir, with all due respect, Steven Bloom, while his career was tragically shortened by a combination of marriage and catering, is a legend. I'm talking cartoon, in '02. That is superhero stuff. The Koslowski defection? How can you be in 6 places at the same time?
Shaw: Hoyle, how would you like to spend the rest of your service as a cipher clerk in Botswana?
Hoyt: It's Hoyt actually, but nope. I'm all set.

Steven: Smart is the new sexy.
Hoyt: Trust me it's not. Chem Engineering/Poly Sci double major and technically, I'm still a virgin.

Don't worry, we're not gonna shoot you. She's bluffing. I think.


I was probably like five years old when I realized clowns are as scared of us as we are of them.


Hoyt: How do you wanna crack her? I'm naturally more of a bad cop because my mom was so mean to me, but I can play good cop too.
Leo: How about 'good-bye cop?'