Ryan: I, on the other hand...
Wilfred: ...was an antisocial virgin with drawn on pubes. I get it.

He's not saying that. She's speaking FOR him. He didn't do a smelly poo poo for her. He did it for his dead brother.

I doubt it would have worked out anyway. He drives a Honda...and he's so pale.


Oh you love Joffrey now? Look at his hairline. It's only going to get worse!

Wilfred (to Bear)

Kristen: You took Joffrey out without his hat? He could have gotten pneumonia!
Ryan: I'm sorry. I didn't think about it.
Wilfred: I actually did think about it, but I wanted Joffrey to catch pneumonia because, well, dude's a dick.

The nether-regions have got to be here somewhere. I'll find them.

I think we have all the evidence we need. I say we go back to Genaro's, maybe split an appetizer, definitely try the cannelloni with walnuts and fried sage - it's all anyone's talking about on Yelp - and then stab Michael's face three or four dozen times.

On the count of three, let's both say our penis sizes. 1, 2, 3, tiny!

Seems like you're not the only one who can do spot on impressions, huh Bear?

Why am I listening to sibling advice from a guy who ate his own sister's ears?
Wilfred. Ear!


Wilfred: Ryan, check out this internet site I found. It's for people who just want to have raunchy, demented sex...no strings attached.
Ryan: Stuffanimalstore.com?

Heyyyy, J Murder. What's up little man? Still shitting whenever? Niiice.

Wilfred Quotes

Ryan: I thought it would make me sound Effete.
Wilfred: So does saying the word "effete."

Ryan: Get off.
Wilfred: I'm trying to!