Love: Our marriage is completely one-sided.
Joe: That is ridiculous.
Love: You made me kill her. In addition to being mother of the fucking year, I had to run fucking interference on one of your fucking patterns! I killed Natalie for fucking you!

Marienne: If Ryan finds out that I was with a married man however innocently he'll use it and I'll never get custody.
Joe Voiceover: You're right, Ryan is a problem but there are always problems in love stories. I'll find a way to fix it for you.

It's OK you can look at it, look at my dick. Welcome to the real party, brother.

Cary

Love: Who is she?
Joe: Excuse me?
Love: Who were you thinking about just then?
Joe: Nobody. Just you. It's always you.
Love: Bullshit. I know you, Joe. No matter what I do I'll never be good enough for you.

I put my best friend in a cage. oh my god, I am so grateful for you. I don't know anyone else who would understand. I don't know what I'd do without you.

Love

Swinging was supposed to be my marriage's dying gasp, not theirs. How the fuck are these two getting out of this alive?

Joe Voiceover

Love: I know you're not Sherry's biggest fan.
Joe voiceover: I'd rather fuck a cactus.

What is it you think you're doing with Love Quinn?

Matthew

Cary: If you don't want to fuck yourself, how is someone going to want to fuck you, my man?
Joe voiceover: Oh, of course. Cary is Cary-sexual.

Marienne; You know the worst part about being married is that they actually know you so well that they can just use it for the rest of your life.

Love: I think that' the best sex we ever had.
Joe Voiceover: Yes, it was. The spark our marriage needed doesn't come from swinging. Our love language is violence.

No, I should've known the marriage was over two years in when your father stopped wanting to do anal.

Dottie

YOU Quotes

A guy needs to protect himself. I had to make sure you're safe, and your name was a glorious place to start. Not a lot of Guinevere Becks. And there you were, every account sent to public. You want to be seen, heard, known, and of course, I obliged.
Born and raised Nantucket Island. A brother Clyde and sister Anya. Your parents really were assholes about the names. Your folks split when you were 12. Your dad dropped out of the picture.
Went to Brown where you majored in Lit. Cool. And minored in douchebags. Eh. And then on to NYC to conquer an MFA, and make your mark presumably. Now you still write, barely. Too busy living out moments you won't remember five years from now. I know this because you post about this life all the goddamn time. Candidly, it's the least appealing thing about you, Beck.

Joe Voiceover

Beck: At the end of the day people really are disappointing, aren't they?
Joe: Sometimes they surprise you.