Penny: Today I drove to Van Nuys for an audition that I thought was for a cat food commercial. Turned out to be porn.
Sheldon: Did you get the part?

Penny: Ooh I thought I smelled pizza.
Sheldon: That's remarkable. If pepperoni were an explosive substance, you could replace German Shepherds at our nation's airports.

TBBT Quotes

[Raj whispers in Wolowitz's ear]
Penny: What did he say?
Wolowitz: He compared Sheldon to a disposable feminine cleansing product one might use on a summer's eve.
Penny: Yeah, and the bag it came in

Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because I'm pretty sure you were watching Nickelodeon.

Sheldon