Accidentally on Purpose Quotes

James: There’s all kinds of weird fetishes, like people are into weird costumes or… feet or… monogamy.

Billie: Sully just asked me out. Is it possible that at this stage of my girth where my skin is stretched to the point that it may never…

Nick: We’re going to be parents… eventually. Abby: Well, eventually, I’m going to be infertile. Nick: Are we really doing this…

Abby: After two mimosas, [my husband]’s open-minded. After three, he blacks out.

Billie: So I met this cute, funny guy. And even if I’m so gigantic I can’t even see if I need a bikini wax… I think he was flirting…

Sully: Congratulations to you and your husband. Billie: Oh, nope. No husband. No boyfriend. No contraception!

Zack: Best friends are like Supreme Court appointments. You can’t lose that job until you retire or die. Davis: Sweet, man. A job you…

James: I’ve got two simple rules that I live by: keep all my blood inside my body and have as many orgasms as possible. And anyone who’s…

Billie: Who wants makeup ribs?! Davis: Ooh. I heard “makeup” and I was like “not me.” Then I heard “ribs” and I was like “meeee!”

Billie: Zack peed on me. Abby: Is that a metaphor, like “he peed on your dreams”? Billie: Nope, he actually peed on me. Olivia: Well,…