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The episode opens with Phil and Lem playing a game with hypodermic needles, seeing who can get the most to stick in the ceiling.  When Linda enters into the lab, one of the needles falls from the ceiling and lands in her shoulder... luckily they only play with clean needles.  They go to put a bandaid on her, but accidentally put on an energy patch that looks like a bandaid.  In an effort to not anger her, they don't let her know.  However, when Linda becomes out of control, they end up having to tackle her and steal the patch.  Even without the patch, there are some side effects and Lem and Phil have to babysit Linda and have a slumber party with her that night.  Linda manages to escape from the grasp and even kidnap a baby!  The next day, the effects are gone, and she's fine.

Meanwhile, Ted is busy selling wrapping paper for his daughter, Rose's competition.  However, it turns out they're losing to a girl named Chelsea so Ted gets Veronica to help him sell more at the office.  Veronica agrees to do it if Ted will go on a "date" with the General that likes him in order to ge tthe military to pay more for some microwave ovens they're producing.  When Ted finds out that their competition, Chelsea, is in a wheelchair and Rose begs Ted to lose or else everyone in school will hate her, Veronica will not back out.  She both loves competition and needs Ted to go on that date.  

Veronica figures out a way to stomp Chelsea, despite Ted buying back wrapping paper from most of the people they sold to, by selling them as an investment vehicle.  Ted decides to go on the date with the General and sell the military on the wrapping paper for the gifts they're sending to the country.  He sells them all in Chelsea's name, thus beating Veronica.  Veronica, though, is quick to point out that she won since he went on the date with the General.

Better Off Ted
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Better Off Ted Season 1 Episode 5 Quotes

My daughter is selling wrapping paper to raise money for her school. Whoever sells the most wins a trip to Disneyland. Second prize gets to cry while Rose and I go to Disneyland


Phil: I win! This is the most fun anyone has ever had with hypodermic needles.
Lem: It's not over yet. It's still wobbling. And it can't come out for at least a minute. Same rules as for losing your virginity