Better Off Ted Quotes

Phil: Hey, Linda. What’s wrong? Linda: The Jewish people have had such a tumultuous history, and yet they were still able to give us…

Ted: Wait. You don’t think competing all-out against a girl who’s disabled is wrong? Veronica: Wrong? How should I know what’s wrong? I’m…

Commercial: Veridian Dynamics. Competition–whether it’s animals, or this old woman and baby, fighting to the death. Competition makes us…

Veronica: What if I were to help you sell your daughter’s precious toilet paper? Ted: It’s wrapping paper. Veronica: It’s not my fault I…

Veronica: Come on, the general respects you, Ted–your experience, your charm, the whole package. Oh, and your package

Ted: We’re working on a contract for solar-powered ovens, which the military plans to air-drop into remote villages as a goodwill…

Phil: We should tell her. Lem: Or we don’t tell her so she doesn’t get mad at us again. Phil: I like where this is going. Lem: We’re…

Phil: Wait. i thought we used the last of the Band-Aids when you wanted to see what I’d look like with a mustache

Lem: Here’s a Band-Aid. And there’s your lady shoulder. Linda: Just bring the specs to my desk. I’ll be the one hoping I never hear the…

Lem: Ted knows everything we do. Phil: He’s like a god. Only it hurts more when he judges us