Better Off Ted Quotes

Ted: My daughter is selling wrapping paper to raise money for her school. Whoever sells the most wins a trip to Disneyland. Second prize…

Phil: I win! This is the most fun anyone has ever had with hypodermic needles. Lem: It’s not over yet. It’s still wobbling. And it can’t…

Veronica: Here, I bought you some briefs. The boxers you were wearing didn’t highlight your assets. Penis-ly speaking. Ted: Thank you

Ted: And so, if the company keeps hiring white people to follow black people to follow white people to follow black people, by… Lem:…

Veronica: “Money before people,” that’s the company motto. Engraved on the lobby floor. It just looks more heroic in Latin

Ted: Listen, you’re not, uh, you know… Veronica: What, Ted? Embarrassed? Upset? Disappointed? Itchy? Hungry? Earning twice your salary?…

Veronica [turning down sex with Ted]: If we did this, it would be fun. I mean, it always is with me. I’m not bragging, it just is

Phil: When you stand up for yourself, you get things done. I learned that the first time I sent back undercooked chicken at a restaurant….

Veronica: Well, I’m different than other women, Ted, and by different, I mean better.

Veronica: My door is always open to you. Please, close it on the way out