Californication Quotes

Hank: You are going to enchant an entire generation of teenage boys with those pound puppies.

Stu: You’ve got to let the cash be your laxative Hank.

Hank: Oh I’m sorry. Turns out I’m quite the Fruit Ninja.

Hank: That’s what happens in a relationship, you stop caring. The next thing you know the sex is sporadic, the blow job’s bi-annual and…

Karen: He’s not good or bad, he’s a work in progress.

Hank: Page one, why the fuck are you fading in?

Tyler: She’s the kind of girl a guy meets when he’s too young and he fucks up because there’s too much looting left to do.

Stu: Let’s do the one where Charlie is still your husband, but he’s upstairs in a wheelchair.

Tyler’s 2nd Mom: I’m gonna beat the fuckin’ Bi out of you once and for all woman!

Becca: Sometimes I think you wish I stayed some asexual little goth muppet creature forever. Hank: You say that like it’s a bad thing.