Desperate Housewives Quotes

Lynette [to Penny]: Your job is to watch television and eat way too much candy and my job is to make sure that’s all your job is.

Gaby: There’s this one thing that she did that was incredibly moving. She came up to me, and within two seconds of touching my bag, she…

Renee: Based on my dinner under the rainbow last night, I’d rather have you as a friend than an enemy.

Carlos: Trust me, Cheech, this is oregano. The only thing getting baked with that herb is lasagna.

Carlos: If this ends badly, I will never forgive you. I mean it, Gabrielle—we’re done!

Renee: Nobody steals a man out of my bed. But you know what? I’ve been looking for a new hobby, and taking you down is as good as any.

Renee: Do you think I should play the I-hate-going-into-a-dark-house-alone card? Or the more blatant I’m-not-wearing-underwear? Because…

Renee: Clearly everyone hooked up early so they could be home in time for Nightline.

Renee: I’ve never seen so many sweater sets—are you sure this is a closet and not a portal to the 1950s?

Bree: Hey there, I’m ready to party! Renee: Because you look like you’re ready to tour the Reagan Library!