Desperate Housewives Quotes

Bree: He’s got a girlfriend. Renee: If I don’t see her, she doesn’t exist.

Tom: The only reason I didn’t smoke in college was because I signed the abstinence pledge of my Dungeons and Dragons club.

Tom: I’m taking the necessary precautions. Lynette: The necessary precautions being your own weight in cheese doodles?

Gaby: I know it’s hard to believe that the little acorn gave birth to the mighty oak, but believe me, I did.

Gaby: If this is about Juanita and the dessert cart, I told you not to leave it unattended!

Gaby: I think Juanita might be French!

Gaby: Remember when you and I had dinner with that French guy? Susan: The guy you referred to as “Le Package?”

Bree: Let’s see. I’m getting a divorce, I lost my business, and I’m sitting here trying to remember why I quit drinking. I’ve had better…

Karen: Paul Young, he’s back!. You heard me. Now, don’t just stand there—we gotta warn people!

Lynette: Renee was always the one with the fashion sense. Before I met her, I’d never even heard of Gucci or Prada… or Chlamydia.