Desperate Housewives Quotes

Lynette: You’re acting like I did when I was six months pregnant. Tom: Excuse me, you were hitting people. Lynette: Only two, and the…

Carlos: If you don’t remember then how can you be sure you and Zach had sex? Gabrielle: We were both half-naked and there was a condom…

Gabrielle: (seeing the open used condom wrapper on the nightstand) Please tell me that once contained a mint.

Carlos: (after Gabrielle told him she thinks she slept with Zach) God, I can’t believe you bagged another neighborhood kid. He starts to…

Gabrielle: I am in hell! I just tried to break up with Zach and he played the “dead mommy” card.

Danielle: (to Andrew) I liked you better when you were a psychopath!

Gabrielle: (to Carlos) Go! Go get all cholo on his ass!

Bree: So we’re back to being friends? Susan: We never really stopped.

Lynette: I think what my husband is trying to say is, if you really want to test a marriage, open a restaurant together. Anyway, thank…

Tom: Thank you. Thank you for coming. It means everything in the world to me. I gotta tell you, when I arrived here this afternoon, I saw…