Desperate Housewives Quotes

Mike: Hey, Susan. Susan: Hey, you’re back. Mike: Yeah, Zach Young posted my bail. But I’m guessing you had something to do with it….

Gabrielle: No, absolutely not. Susan: Oh, come on! Mike needs a great lawyer, Zach can afford a great lawyer. Gabrielle: I don’t care….

Orson: I won’t and you can’t make me. Alma: Can’t? That drink I gave you had two kinds of pills in it — one to put you to sleep and one…

Zach: But you said I could kiss you. Gaby: Yes, my lips, not my esophagus! Zach: For your information, I’ve been told I’m a very good…

Paul: Zach is all I have left in the world. Through everything that’s happened, I’ve never stopped loving him. Can you please get him to…

Gabrielle: (to Zach) You just vacuumed my tonsils, I deserve to know where that mouth has been!

Mary Alice: (narrating) Yes, it can happen so quickly. Life as we know it can change in a blink of an eye. Unlikely friendships can…

Zach: Come on, let’s go, let’s party! Gabrielle: Listen to me you pimply psychopath! You and I are never going to party! In fact, the…

Bree: (to Orson) I am not sleeping in a bed that had your dead mistress’ teeth in it!

Lynette: (to Andrew) Aren’t you supposed to be working?Andrew: Aren’t you supposed to not be here?Lynette: Touch.