The Griffin's are having dinner at Smitty's Steakhouse.
Cutaway to Peter watching a pheasant on the glass.
The maitre d' offers Peter a toothpick. He doesn't know what to do with it until Lois tells him. He becomes fascinated with the toothpick and takes on a new persona: the toothpick guy.
At home he tells Chris he's going to be the guy who sits on a bike outside the rec center.
Cutaway to Peter on a bike outside a rec center talking to a kid.
Peter tells Meg he's off to the fish market to be a toothpick guy.
Cutaway to fish market.
Peter and Lois are driving. Lois wants him to get rid of the toothpick. He doesn't want to. He shows her a trick and swallows the toothpick. He flips out, but she tells him he can get another toothpick.
Cutaway to Chris at the hospital.
Peter goes to Smitty's to get another toothpick, but sees an old woman pick her teeth and his fascination with toothpicks end.
Cutaway to Meg ruining broccoli for Peter.
Quagmire is there dining with his father/mother, Ida, and calls them over. They join them for dinner. At the end of dinner Quagmire takes a group pic. Lois and Peter invite them for a cookout the next day, then leave. Quagmire admits to Ida that he's in love with Lois.
Cutaway to Cleveland lying for money.
Peter and Lois get home. Carter is sleeping on couch. Lois has an upset stomach and goes to bathroom. Peter listens to his voicemail messages. One is from Stewie. The other is a pocket dial from Quagmire admitting his love for Lois.
Peter tells Brian about Quagmire's call. Brian acts surprised and tries to convince him to let it go. Peter is afraid Quagmire will take Lois away from him. Brian tries to convince Peter to delete the message and forget he ever heard it. Peter agrees.
Cutaway to Colonial ghost woman.
Brian tells Peter not to be passive-aggressive about it.
Cut away to an old musical.
At cookout, Peter is cooking burgers when Quagmire and Ida show up. Peter is not happy. Lois greets Quagmire. He tells her he brought the buns she asked for...two kinds..with seeds and without. Peter takes it the wrong way and confronts Quagmire, sharing the recording with everyone.
Lois is surprised. Quagmire and Peter fight. Peter ends cookout and kicks everyone out.
Cutaway to Stewie's trip to Tampa Bay.
Peter is in bed listening to the message again. Lois is amused by the whole thing, but exasperated with Peter.
Cutaway to Quagmire's grandmother's funeral.
Peter tells Lois he is afraid Quagmire will take her away from him. She's flattered and tells him it will never happen.
She wants him to forget about it. He refuses.
Cutaway to medieval village with Peter parading Quagmire through town shouting, "Shame', before breaking out into song.
Quagmire runs into Lois at the grocery store. He is humiliated. He decides to move out of Spooner Street. Joe tries to convince him not to leave. Cleveland tries to convince Peter to convince Quagmire not to leave. Peter calls to Quagmire and gives him the finger.
Quagmire leaves. Joe asks if everyone wants him to do the "giggity" now that Quagmire is gone.
The guys (sans Quagmire) are at the Clam. Joe says they are boring without Quagmire.
Cutaway to Quagmire taking Joe parasailing.
Peter is drinking. He's dejected. Lois comes in and he blames her for ruining his friendship with Quagmire. Lois has had enough and tells him they are going somewhere.
Cutaway to Disney supporting Jewish death camps.
Cleveland and Joe are at Quagmire's apartment. Lois and Peter show up. Lois convinces Peter and Quagmire to make up.
The guys reunite at the Drunken Clam.