Family Guy Quotes

Peter: Jeez Lois, I just spent all morning on a boat with my friends drinking beers, telling jokes, and screwin’ around. How ’bout a…

Man: Wow, Lois Griffin, Hey, I love your act! Nice melons. Peter: Now listen pal! Lois: Peter, I’m holding melons. Peter: Oh. Man: And…

Peter: I know you cant understand what I’m going through, Lois. I mean all the stuff that makes you happy, you know, like cooking and…

[Stewie stumbles up to Lois…] Stewie: Hello mother, care to partake in your oh so exhilarating games of Peek-A-Boo? Lois: Oh my god, my…

Brian: Something troubling you Peter? Peter: Oh no, nothing. Just all of my friends are eye-humping my wife. Brian: Well if I were you,…

Peter: I feel just like Tim Allen. I build stuff and I have a criminal record

Stewie: For the love of God, shake me! Shake me like a British nanny!

Stewie: Machiavelli! You’ve told me nothing I don’t already know! Ah Sun Tzu’s The Art of War. Lois: Stewie, those books aren’t for…

Stewie: I’m in seering pain! Lois: Oh, you’re just teething, Stewie. It’s a normal part of a baby’s life. Stewie: Very well then. I order…

Mr. Tumnis: Welcome to Narnia. I’m Mr. Tumnis. Peter: Hey give me back my sock you goat bastard!