Family Guy Quotes

Patriot: Peter. Peter: Hey you’re the Pawtucket Patriot. Patriot: Verily. Come hither and give heed. Peter: Woah woah woah. I don’t swing…

Lois: Bye bye Stewie. Mommy will be upstairs to kiss you goodnight. Stewie: Burn in hell!

Stewie: Damn you! You’re one of them. What are they paying you? I’ll double it! I’ll give you whatever you want! Money, women… men?

Jennifer: Meg, you didn’t tell me your mother was just like Martha Stewart! Lois: Oh, no. Once you get to know me, I’m really very nice

Peter [while riding an elephant]: Hey, Lois, look. The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who’s…

Stewie: I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? A little service here. Peter: Hey stinky. Have we got big…

Peter: Meg, you’re home late. Meg: I stayed after school to try out for cheerleading. Peter: Well, don’t keep me in suspense. How’d you…

Chris: It’s cool dad. They have this game where you put in a dollar, and you win four quarters. I win every time!

Meg: Daddy, you must think I’m the worst daughter ever. Peter: Oh no you’re not honey. What about that fat girl from the Judds?

Peter: Face it, I’m a bad husband, a lousy father, and a snappy dresser