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Best of The Simpsons Season Three Quotes

by at . Comments

When a season of The Simpsons opened with Michael Jackson guest voicing a crazy, fat white man who sang Lisa a happy birthday song, you knew you were in for an amazing season.

By season three, we really feel The Simpsons founds its groove and entered what many call the golden age of The Simpsons.  The show had plenty of classic episodes during season three including "Flaming Moe's" and "Homer at the Bat."

Homer at the Bat Picture

But don't worry, you don't just have to take our word for it.  In our effort to make the most complete archive of The Simpsons quotes in one place, we've reached this iconic season.  And yes, we do realize with 18 seasons left to go, we're nowhere near complete.

However, that's not your concern.  Your job is to get clicking because with nearly 500 of The Simpsons season three quotes in our system, you have plenty of work youself.  Our favorites below:

Psychiatrist: Mrs. Simpson, I'm sorry, but your husband suffers from a persecution complex, extreme paranoia, and bladder hostility.
Marge: Doctor, if you just talk to him for five minutes without mentioning our son Bart, you'd see how sane he is.
Psychiatrist: You mean there really is a Bart?! Good Lord! | permalink
Homer: Look, I don't care if Ned Flanders is the nicest guy in the world, he's a jerk! End of story! | permalink
Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
Bart: No.
Fat Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Fat Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like...cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Fat Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no!
Fat Tony: Enjoy your gift. | permalink
Homer: Son, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.
Bart: That's okay, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.
Homer: Why you little! | permalink
Homer: I'll make a wish that can't backfire! I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce, and mustard, and... I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't wanna turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any more weird surprises, you got it! (Homer eats)... Mmm, not bad, nice hot mustard, good bread, turkeys a little dry... THE TURKEY'S A LITTLE DRY!!! | permalink
Bart: My father invented that drink, and if you'll allow me to demonstrate...
Edna: Bart, are those liquor bottles?
Bart: Um...yes
Edna: Take them to the teacher's lounge. You can have what's left after school. | permalink
Horst: We regret to announce the following lay-offs, which I will read in alphabetical order. Simpson, Homer. (Pause) That is all. | permalink
Marge: Well, do you ever take an interest in anything he does?
Lisa: Well, we used to have burping contests but I outgrew it. | permalink
Eddie: She's locked in the car and refuses to move.
Chief Wiggum: Did you flash your lights?
Eddie: Yes.
Chief Wiggum: Well, I'm fresh out of ideas. | permalink
Marge: Bart's grades are up a little this term. But Lisa's are way down.
Homer: We always have one good kid and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good?
Marge: We have three kids, Homer.
Homer: Marge, the dog doesn't count as a kid!
Marge: No, Maggie! | permalink
Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir? | permalink
Millhouse: Bart, I don't want you to see me cry.
Bart: Oh come on, I've seen you cry a million times. You cry when you scrape your knee, you cry when they're out of chocolate milk, you cry when you're doing long division and you have a remainder left over. | permalink
Bart: Unckie Herb, what advice would you give to a young boy who would most likely become a bum like yourself?
Herb: Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese. | permalink

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The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!