Classic TV Quotes: Friends Season One

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Back in 1994, David Crane and Marta Kauffman took six relatively unknown actors, a created Friends, a show that go on to almost define an entire genre on its own.

Friends Poster

While there's been plenty of sitcoms and ensemble casts before, there were few before Friends were you couldn't even identify a main character out of its cast.

During the show's successful ten year run and the years since, plenty of shows have tried to imitate Friends, but none have replaced the original.  That's why we're here to bring you season one quotes from the original.

The overall story arc of season one was Rachel, fresh from running away from her fiance at the altar, joining the group of friends  Along the way, Ross' ex-wife had a baby, Monica cooked for a stoned restaurant owner (Jon Lovitz), Chandler got promoted, prompting him to quit, and Joey landed a part as Al Pacino's but double.

It was certainly an impressive season, so get ready to browse the nearly 500 Friends quotes we added.  Just some of our favorites below:

Ross: You probably never knew this but back in high school I had a major crush on you.
Rachel: I knew.
Ross: You probably just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.
Rachel: I did. | permalink
Rachel: You are the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
Monica: Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
Rachel: Oh! I was hoping it wouldn't be an issue. | permalink
Ross: So what's new? Still...
Carol: A lesbian?
Ross: Well... you never know! | permalink
Monica: Do you guys ever think Alan might be a little too Alan.
Rachel: No, you can never be too Alan.
Ross: It's his innate Alan-ness that we adore.
Chandler: I could personally stand about a gallon of Alan. | permalink
Ross: I think I'm just gonna go home and think of my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.
Joey: Hell with the hockey! Let's all do that. | permalink
Rachel: Come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Chandler: We can? All right, I'm trying that. | permalink
Director: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?
Joey: Well, I'm showering.
Director: No, that was clenching.
Joey: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, you know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing. I think his butt would be angry here. | permalink
Ross: So you do know a little English?
Paolo: Poco... a leetle.
Ross: Do you know the word crapweasel?
Paolo: No.
Ross: That's funny, because you know, you are a huge crapweasel! | permalink
Chandler: You're watching a football game at a funeral?
Joey: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the reception.
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man. | permalink
Chandler: Alright I'd like to propose a toast, a little toast here. Ding, ding! I know this isn't exactly the kind of Thanksgiving that all of you planned, but for me, this has been really great. You know, I think because it didn't involve divorce or projectile vomiting. Anyway I was just thinking, I mean, if you had gone to Vail or if you guys had been with your family or if you didn't have syphilis and stuff ... we wouldn't be all together you know, so I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm very thankful that all your Thanksgivings sucked.
Everyone Else: That's so sweet!
Ross: And hey, here's to a lousy Christmas!
Rachel: And a crappy new year.
Chandler: Here, Here! | permalink
Monica: And I assume Chandler, you're still boycotting all the pilgrim holidays.
Chandler: Yes every single one of them. | permalink
Ross: That would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?
Monica: No. No, I don't.
Rachel: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?
Ross: My friend, Bethel, rescued him from some lab.
Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel? | permalink
Chandler: If I turn into my parents, I'll either be an alcoholic blond chasing after 20 year old boys or... I'll end up like my mom. | permalink
Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Chandler: Oh man, in my next life I'm coming back as a toilet brush. | permalink
Ross: Hey guys. Does anybody know a good date place in the neighborhood?
Joey: How about Tony's? If you can finish a thirty-two-ounce steak, it's free.
Ross: Okay. Hey, does anyone know a good place if you're not dating a puma? | permalink
Susan: Why do I have to be the mommy?
Ross: OK. I'm gonna play my sperm card one more time. | permalink
Joey: I'm taking Ursula tonight. It's her birthday.
Ross: Whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?
Joey: When's that?
Ross: Tonight.
Joey: Oh, man. What are the odds of that happening? | permalink
Monica: Let's play for real. High stakes, big bucks.
Ross: Are you sure, because Phoebe just threw away two jacks because they didn't look happy. | permalink
Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
Chandler: Hey, you know what you should do? Take her back to the 1980's when that phrase was last used. | permalink
Phoebe: Stop being so testosteroney!
Chandler: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. | permalink
Monica: You have got to do something about the humping!
Ross: What? It's just a phase.
Chandler: Well, that's what we said about Joey. | permalink
Ross: I can't believe you two had sex in her dream!
Chandler: I-I'm sorry... it was a one time thing, I was very drunk and it was someone else's subconscious... | permalink
Rachel: I thought a gynecologist would have no trouble dating women. | permalink
Ross: I'm going to China.
Joey: The country?
Ross: No, the big pile of dishes in my mom's breakroom. | permalink

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.

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Friends Quotes

Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me.
Ross: What?
Joey: No way, I've been going to the guy for twelve years.
Chandler: Oh come on, he said he was going to do my inseem, then he ran his hand up my leg and then there was definite...
Ross: What? (Chandler closes his eyes)
Chandler: Cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side then they move it back, and then they do the rear. Ross, will you tell him. Isn't that how a tailor measures pants?
Ross: Yes, yes it is... in prison!

(To Rachel) Welcome to the real world! It sucks! You're going to love it!

Monica
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