True Blood Review: What If God Was One of Us

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Russell got "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" off to a good start when he asked if someone should say grace in the opening scene of this week's True Blood.

I was left wanting at the end of this week's episode though, which has not been the case for me this season, despite the many malcontents out there. This is not to say I did not enjoy the hour, I just felt like there were some wasted opportunities taken up by scenes that just didn't seem to fit with the flow of the episode.

Like The Authority standing around the meal of a naked man, let's dig in...

Eric with Nora

While Steve's grace may have flopped in the eyes of Salome, I sure was thankful for one thing: The smoke monster got what it wanted and is out like pleated khakis. Thank Godric!

I was happy to see Terry man up like he did, but only after Arlene came to the rescue of course. She has sort of taken a backseat to other leading ladies this season so I was glad to see her wave her hair back and forth a little. Terry's line to her about how she was the only reason he was going to fight Patrick at all was also a nice moment for the troubled lovers.

Jason and Jess still couldn't see clear to mending their relationship, but maybe after fulfilling his promise to her with regard to Hoyt she will ask him to wipe down the flatbed once again. That is, of course, if Hoyt pulls through. A lot of fans were expecting this week to be Hoyt's last, but his fate along with that of Plump the Racist Dragon was not revealed.

I think it safe to say Luna slapped the taste out of Sweetie's mouth, but did she end up killing her? Sam just dropped the L word on Luna for the first time, but Luna's actions might throw a wrench into things. Not that they will have time to play the feud what with Emma being taken and all. 

I liked that we were reminded of just how bad a guy Russell is this week, despite all his comical lines... but leave the kids alone! First, vampire Bruce Jenner/Nigel is ordering up newborns on Seamless Web and now Russell is stealing were-children and giving them away as pets?!?

Speaking of lap dogs, what was with Alcide? I liked the flashback to his early days, but I felt like the whole drawn out trip to his dad's trailer was a big waste of valuable screen time. I would have preferred more scenes with Tara and Pam instead.

Pam edged out Eric I think in the True Blood quotes department with her lines about the two things she stays away from and how she and Tara aren't Oprah and Gayle just yet. Seeing Pam get tossed off stage by that new sheriff, though, had my blood boiling. Who will set things right? Pam can take care of herself, but who is she to argue with the monarchs? Eric needs to come back ASAP, but thanks to Bill's backstab that won't be happening anytime soon apparently.  

I argued that Bill's actions last Sunday were just part of some master plan, but this week he was singing a different tune. It actually was very reminiscent of Joan Osbourne wasn't it? What if God was one of us? Just a vampire like one of us. Either Bill has gone bye bye or he is seriously deep cover like Fishburne.

Prior to the apparent chosen one betraying him, Eric was on quite a roll with his techie line and sarcastically suggesting he and Bill get back to slaughtering people in the name of God. For my money, however, the snarl he let out upon seeing Salome as the elevator doors opened was the best. It was reminiscent of Chewbacca's growl when Lando opened the door in Cloud City to reveal Darth Vader sitting at the head of the table in The Empire Strikes Back. I love when Eric gets his Viking up. 

We didn't get any closer to discovering what really went down at the murder scene of Sookie's parents this week. Lafayette delivered some classic moments, channeling Oda Mae Brown and sassing the spirits, but no real new information came to light. Hopefully that soup Claude brought Sookie recharges her inner light and she gets back to kicking some supernatural butt next episode. After she washes the pig out of her hair of course. 

I think I'll call it a night right there and open up the chat lines. As always, I'm eager to hear your thoughts. Be sure to check back later this week to read about my interview with Kristin Bauer. You just know that will be fun and juicy!


Editor Rating: 4.0 / 5.0
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User Rating:

Rating: 4.3 / 5.0 (85 Votes)

I bet Eric Will get rescued from Pam Tara and Jessica Will help In order to save Bill's troubled mind.
What if the other subs and Sookie join forces also In order to defeat the Authority ruled by Salome and her speed acid Blood ?
I also hope the writers get back to the books story:
Season 6 fairies war ? Since they killed the Stachouse parents to start with. And of course Eric back with Sookie since Bill does not deserve her anymore !


Who is going to die In the final épisodes ?
My first guess : the usual season's guests That would be Salome for sure and maybe Nora. I agree That there is no more story line left for Hoyt.
Who remembers That Bill betrayed Eric already at the end season 3 After a nice hand shake by sending him with Russell deep In ciment ? This guy is a born liar and a traitor to Sookie to Queen Sophie Anne etc etc
How is Eric getting out of this mess and who Will come to help him


I just watched the "inside the episode" for this episode and they sure are acting like Bill is unless they're playing a long con on us...


1) Although it's pretty vile, it really ought to be vial, spelling-wise.
2) Sweetie was last seen being loaded into a police car, not dead--which is a shame.
3) What's with all the wolves lining up for a V fix?? I would have expected some genuine wolf pack pride within the group, but maybe that's what we need Alcide's dad for--and that seemingly out-of-context flashback was setting up the rise of pack power.
4) As for Lilith and Salome, enough! Salome is a one-expression, one-note wonder. Someone stake her for me, please!


dumb dumb dumb


so the finale is going to be a WAR between al the supernaturals, I like that werewolfs, Shape-shifter and I guess fairies(all the Claudes with Sookie) against the vampires, well, Russel Edginton I hope and kick his old ass for kidnap at Emma, poor Martha why the heck she not ran away when she saw at Russel there at the ends will be all the supernaturals of BON TEMPS with help of the Godric family(Eric,Pam and Tara)and the magic powers of Lala against the corrup vamp authority with Russel in the head I hope and all the fairies kill that bitch of Russel


Back to Bill for a minute... I primary reason I don't buy Bill's descent is because in the quiet moments he doesn't seem to have the fever of a true believer. Maybe he's still converting and his betrayal of Eric is the first in a line of actions which will take him down that path further. Eric even confronted him with "what about Sookie" and Bill couldn't answer so he obviously isn't THAT into it.


@Chris / @SperoMeliora: I think SperoMeliora is on to something with Salome's blood. We were supposed to think Bill was going to collect it for Eric and their escape, but yes, he tripped out on it again, saw Lilith, and when he looked at it...there definitely seemed to be some sort of realization. Couple that with Nora telling Eric she converted after sampling Lilith's blood, well sounds more like they're addicts than true believers. There would be a lot more Christians if the Body and the Blood made you trip balls and see Jesus hanging out with Santa Claus... ;) But what does it signify? Is it Salome's blood in the vile? Is she actually Lilith? Did Salome spike the blood in the vile? Did she do the same to her own blood? Was Bill's hallucination not really related to her blood at all but just a by-product of the vile? Or perhaps by drinking the vile all of their blood is now like that...and anyone biting Bill, Eric, Salome, etc will spread the "faith"...


When the spirit told Terry to do the right thing, I really thought the spirit was expecting forgiveness instead of blowing Patrick away. Silly me. I was all confused about "the right thing."


@Chris: Although my resolve is weakening, I still think Bill is going deep undercover. If he's not, if he really is a convert, then either Stephen Moyer needs to do a better job of acting or the writers need to a better job of giving Bill real motivation. Of course, True Blood isn't Shakespeare, sometimes the acting is spotty and character motivations serve the plot and not the other way around. (forgive my multiple posts...someone get a tech guy to fix the comment posting length problems!)


True Blood Season 5 Episode 9 Quotes

Please, I'm a thousand years older than you. Put your baby fangs away before you piss me off.


Should we say grace?


True Blood Season 5 Episode 9 Music

  Song Artist
Song First One in the Car The Wallflowers
Song Ain't Life Hell Hank Cochran & Willie Nelson
Song Acrobatica Losers