Kyle: Alright, Cartman, what's so important that you had to pull us away from lighting cow crap on fire? Cartman: Oh, you guys, you're not gonna believe it! Stan: What? Cartman: Guess what I have, sitting in my backyard. Kyle: A trampoline? Cartman: Better. Stan: A boat? Cartman: Better. Kenny: (muffled) A football machine? Cartman: Better. Stan: Well, what, Cartman? Cartman: Thirty-three aborted fetuses. (Stan,Kyle and Kenny look at him blankly) Oh yes. Kyle: (closes his eyes) What?! Cartman: Mint-condition, tax-free. Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you doing with aborted fetuses? Kyle: I'm leaving, right now. Cartman: Well, I guess you don't watch the news, Kyle. Kyle: You've never watched the news, fat-ass! What the hell does that have to do with anything?! Cartman: Stem-cells, numb-nuts. Stan: Stem-cells? Kyle: Oh, and what do you know about stem-cells? Kenny(muffled): What the f--k are stem-cells? Kyle: They're cells that come from fetuses, and some research shows that they could be used to treat diseases. Cartman: It's been proven, Jew! I saw it on 321 contact, and with all the research that's going on, stem-cells are worth three times their weight in gold. What I have in my backyard, is an aborted treasure chest. Kyle: I hate you, so much.
Principal: Hello, boys. Stan: Wait, what's going on here? Kyle: Alright look, we don't know for sure why Cartman is ditching school, but it has something to do with abortions.That's all we know. Mr. Mackey: You didn't do anything wrong, boys; We just need to talk to you. Have a seat. (Stan and Kyle sit down) Mr. Mackey: Well boys, your little friend, Kenny, went to the hospital last night, m'kay? And well...he's pretty sick. Kyle: Kenny's sick? Stan: Well, how sick? Chef: Children, Kenny has been diagnosed with a terminal disease. Stan: But the doctor's are gonna make him better, right? Sharon: Oh, dear. Stan But mom, that's what hospitals are for, they can make him better. Sharon: Oh, Randy. Randy: They don't think so, Stanley. Your friend is terminally ill, and that means--well son...that means he's gonna be going to Heaven soon. Kyle: Wait, Kenny's going to die? Gerald: He might, Kyle. Stan: But he's our f-f-friend. Mr. Mackey: We know, and that's why he's going to need you boys to be strong for him, m'kay? He needs you now, more then ever. Stan: No! This can't happen! Kenny can't die! Kenny can't die! (Stan begins sobbing into his dad's shoulder)