South Park

Season 14 Quotes

Episode 7: "Crippled Summer"

Kyle: Over the past few months, I have watched you go from an ancillary character with a few amusing catch phrased to a dried out spooge rag covered in the jizz of a thousand older men. [permalink]

Butters: You're not the Towelie you used to be. Where you used to be fluffy and absorbent, now you are crusty and unable to absorb the smallest amount of waster. [permalink]

Cashier: Wow, you must have one dusty computer.
Towelie: F**k you, it's not illegal, bitch. [permalink]

Butters: Towelie had a girlfriend he really liked. Then she got pregnant and had a little wash cloth. [permalink]

Counselor: Who hired that towel? It can barely walk, let alone dry someone off. [permalink]

Episode 6: "201"

Jesus: I guess maybe Tom Cruise likes Sea Man. [permalink]

Stan: Hey look! Tom Cruise has Sea Man on his back! [permalink]

Scott Tenorman: You killed your own father and then fed him to your own half brother. [permalink]

Jesus: Let's hope to Christ this works. [permalink]

Scott Tenorman: Revenge is a dish best served chili. [permalink]

Sea Man: Swallow, come.
Moses: Hehe, no way he just said that. [permalink]

Joseph Smith: We can't attack Streisand's nose, it's just too big. [permalink]

Cartman [as Mitch Connor]: We got a black president but whitey still doesn't trust me to use his phone.
Dr. Mephisto: Oh, I'm sorry you're right, we do have a black President. Come in. [permalink]

Jesus: On the super best friend power cycles! (Segways) [permalink]

Jesus (to Buddha): Watching porn isn't like doing coke you fag. [permalink]

Mr. Garrison: I'm sorry, Eric.
Cartman (as Mitch Connor): Sorry is a four letter word with a y on the end that doesn't mean anything to this kid. [permalink]

Episode 5: "200"

Stan: I made a promise to Jesus.
Randy: Stan, Jesus doesn't matter when Muhammad is involved. [permalink]

Joseph Smith: Boys you need to understand that people get very offended when Muhammad is mocked because he's a religious figure.
Jesus: Buddha! Don't do coke in front of kids! [permalink]

Tom Cruise: Imagine it, Tim. No one could rip on you for all the rehashed movies you've made lately. There'd never be a TV show that pointed out you haven't had an original thought since Beetlejuice. And you put Johnny Depp and the same crappy music in every film. And if you're so in love with Johnny Depp you should just have sex with him already. No TV show could ever say that.
Tim Burton: Gee, that'd be swell. [permalink]

Tom Cruise: Jimmy buffet, how would you like it if no one could call your music drunken frat boy, monkey garbage?
Jimmy Buffet: I'd love it. [permalink]