South Park

South Park Quotes

Season 16 Episode 14: "Obama Wins!"

Morgan Freeman: So we have to ask ourselves, what's more important? That the right man is elected president, or that Star Wars is with people who will protect it most?
 • Rating: Unrated

Hummer Dealer: Not sure what to get your loved one this holiday season? Why not give them a nice Hummer? Nothing beats a Hummer on Christmas morning!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: I can get the ballots for you. But if I'm going to smuggle them here, I'm going to need a blast suit and a tauntaun.
Mickey Mouse: Sure thing, I've got tauntauns coming out my asshole! Ha-ha!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: So here's the deal, General Tso, Mr. President: when the Chinese make the sequels, I get to play the part of Luke Skywalker's son. Cartman Skywalker.
General Tso: That was not the deal! We will not be bullied by you!
Cartman: Then I guess we're about to play a game of chicken, General Tso!
Jimmy: I get it, "General Tso's Chicken!"
 • Rating: Unrated

Stan: Just one thing, Morgan Freeman: how come every time something convoluted needs explaining, you show up?
Morgan Freeman: Because every time I show up and explain something, I earn a freckle.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

South Park Resident: Wow, the president eats at Red Lobster! He's just a normal guy like me!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Stan: I don't understand that stuff at all, I need Morgan Freeman to explain it to me.
Jimmy: Yeah, I love when Morgan Freeman explains stuff.
Clyde: Whenever I'm confused about what's going on in a movie, I'm always so relieved when Morgan Freeman shows up and explains the plot to me.
 • Rating: 4.2 / 5.0

Obama: I don't know how they did it, but the Chinese secured my victory. I have to fulfill my obligation.
Presidential Staff: And what if General Tso suddenly gets the courage to go to the press with all this?
Obama: Don't worry, everyone knows General Tso's chicken.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cartman: Pretty sweet, huh?
Kyle: What the hell is this?
Cartman: What's it look like? Hundreds of thousands of votes from all the swing states.
Kyle: I don't believe it.
Cartman: No really, there are states full of swingers. Bunch of perverts if you ask me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Flight Attendant: Would you like some warm nuts, sir?
Cartman: Haahaha! Warm nuts, she says!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 16 Episode 13: "A Scause for Applause"

Jesus: Vengeance is mine!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

P.F. Pityef: There are green scauses for recycling, blue scauses for kitties, and pink scauses that focus on nothing but titties!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cartman: Jesus Asterisk Christ, Stan! People are feeling really cheated by this!
 • Rating: Unrated

Butters: I asked preacher, what about the New Testament? And he says well you still should ought to read it, but you gonna need to put an asterisk next to Jesus' name when ever it comes up!
Cartman: So weak, dude. Dark times, brah. Dark times.
 • Rating: Unrated

Randy: I know people that paid ten bucks for those braclets. I bet they feel pretty stupid now.
 • Rating: Unrated

News Anchor: Priests and bishops have been working overtime to remove Jesus from the record books and The Last Supper.
 • Rating: Unrated

Drug Investigator: Jesus did not suffer for our sins, he was in fact very high.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Cartman: You know I spent five bucks on that stupid thing?
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Mackey: I don't know what to believe in any more, mmkay!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 16 Episode 12: "A Nightmare on Face Time"

Sergeant Yates: How many people at the Monster Mash?
Officer 1: Most of the town, sir. It's a graveyard smash.
Officer 2: Whatever we do, we better hurry, sir, it's on in a flash.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite "South Park" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!