Lem Can Use the Water Fountain

No longer forced to use the water fountains for black people without white people hovering over him, Lem tries to drink from the regular water fountain and ends up with white people hovering over him.
Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jonathan Slavin as Phil Mymen

Jonathan Slavin plays Phil Mymen on ABC's off-the-wall office comedy, Better Off Ted. Phil is one of Ted's top research scientists.
Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Taye Diggs on Better Off Ted

Taye Diggs guest stars as Greg, Linda's perfect genetic match... until she finds out he's crazy and dresses as a bear in the park.
Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted and Linda Discuss

Ted and Linda discuss their little kiss they had through their HAZMAT suits in last night's Better Off Ted, "Through Rose-Color HAZMAT Suits."
Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted, Rose and Veronica

Ted brings his daughter, Rose, to work and Veronica barely even notices she's there at first. She makes eye contact when she talks. She's not looking at his waist!
Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

The Meeting on Food

Veronica leads a Veridian Dynamics meeting to discuss their next food product, we're talking about a cow-less meat grown in a lab!
Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

Ted Offers Some Meat

Ted offers up a delicious fork-full of some lab-grown meat in which zero cows were involved. You just know it's gonna be delicious even if it's a little weird.
Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Phil Still Screams

Looks like poor Phil still has that pesky little screaming problem he got from being cryogenically frozen by Veridian during the pilot.
Rating: 2.5 / 5.0

Lem's White Guy

When Lem is unable to use the new skin-based motion sensors, Veridian Dynamics hires Lem a white guy, Stu (Jesse Head) to follow him around.
Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Phil is Frozen

Phil is used to an experiment for cryogenic freezing. Wow it looks a lot more painful than we thought it'd be.
Rating: Unrated

Phil and Lem

Phil and Lem work together to work on Ted's idea to use this really uncomfortable fabric to make a chair. Hey, it's better than using it for breakfast meats.
Rating: Unrated

Veronica Takes Rose

Veronica seems nice enough so she takes Ted's daughter, Rose, to babysit her for a bit. What she does is hilarious!
Rating: Unrated

Better Off Ted Quotes

Okay, people, we need to turn this simple festive gourd into a killer. I've asked Dr. Bamba to take a look at how Nature does it, because Nature is a fantastic killer of things

Ted

Veronica: We want to weaponize a pumpkin.
Ted: Then so do I. Because?
Veronica: There's a country with whom we do business that grows a great deal of pumpkins and would welcome additional uses for them. As well as cheaper ways to kill their enemies.
Ted: Well, finally the pumpkin gets to do something besides Halloween.
Veronica: Pie.
Ted: Halloween and pie