"Mess of a Salesman"

Ted uses his influence at Veridian to have his fast talking brother, Billy (Eddie McClintock) hired as a salesman; a Charity for girls gives Veronica an award.

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"Lust in Translation"

Ted uses a Veridian translation device to communicate with a beautiful German executive, but the face the device uses Phil's voice is killing the mood.

"The Long and Winding High Road"

When a rival at Veridian is also working on a propulsion toy for kids, Ted and Veronica hatch different plans for the competition.

"The Impertence of Communicationizing"

When a typo in a memo goes out, people in Veridian begin insulting each other; Veronica is convinced she got her job because of a typo.

"Change We Can't Believe In"

While Ted tries to deal with a security guard that talks too much; Phil and Lem have to work directly with Veronica.

"Beating a Dead Workforce"

When an overworked employee at Veridian dies, Veronica convinces the company to work harder as a result.

"The Great Repression"

When Ted and Linda are falsely accused of sexual harassment, Veronica defends them and convinces Veridian sexual harassment is a disease and the employees go crazy.

"It's Nothing Business, It's Just Personal"

Ted is forced to step into Veronica's personal life when her relationship with Mordor is interfering with work; Lem tries to figure out why Veridian wants him to wear a red lab coat.

"Battle of the Bulbs"

Linda makes a suggestion on Ted's project, a light bulb that burns forever, and gets all the credit; Lem's mother (Khandi Alexander) visits and begins having an affair with Dr. Bhamba.

"The Lawyer, The Lemur and the Little Listener"

Veronica tries to get info on layoffs at Veridian from Rose, who knows someone from her play group; Lem has an affair with a lawyer billing him by the hour; Linda makes Phil the main character in her book.

Better Off Ted Quotes

Okay, people, we need to turn this simple festive gourd into a killer. I've asked Dr. Bamba to take a look at how Nature does it, because Nature is a fantastic killer of things

Ted

Veronica: We want to weaponize a pumpkin.
Ted: Then so do I. Because?
Veronica: There's a country with whom we do business that grows a great deal of pumpkins and would welcome additional uses for them. As well as cheaper ways to kill their enemies.
Ted: Well, finally the pumpkin gets to do something besides Halloween.
Veronica: Pie.
Ted: Halloween and pie

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