Better Off Ted

From saving lives to making people laugh.

Private Practice star Taye Diggs has signed on to guest star on the Better Off Ted season premiere.

On the December 8 episode, Veridian encourages its staff to date coworkers that are their perfect genetic match. This, naturally, would help the company save money on health insurance down the road.

Turns out, the DNA of Diggs’ character, Greg, makes him an ideal match for Linda.

For those that have forgotten how hilarious this show can be, browse through our Better Off Ted quotes section now!

ABC already airs Cougar Town and Modern Family - but the network is about to get even funnier.

On December 1, the revamped version of Scrubs will premiere its ninth season with back-to-back original episodes.

The sitcom will focus on John C. McGinley and Donald Faison's doctors this year, while shifting its setting from a hospital to a medical school.

A week later, Better Off Ted will return to ABC, pairing with Scrubs to form one of the most laugh-filled hours on television.

On last night's Better Off Ted, Veronica and Ted were each dealing with their own set of daddy issues. 

Veronica was trying to have a normal relationship with her father when she found out he only had one year to live, while Ted desperately tried to push Phil and Lem to develop a treatment for baldness to impress his father.

Find out how both sides dealt with their father issues in our "Father, Can You Hair Me?" recap.  Now for some of our favorite quotes from the episode.

Lem: But what about protocol?
Ted: Forget protocol. Did Einstein stop to fill out paperwork before discovering his Theory of Relativity?
Phil: Actually, he was a patent clerk, so all he did was fill out paperwork | permalink

Veronica: Ted, you don't have to go through all this. Just say the word and the election's her's. We did for Iceland and we can do it for your kid | permalink

Lem: We are not mad scientists, Ted, regardless of what our bowling shirts might say. | permalink

On last night's Better Off Ted, Veridian Dynamics finally got what was coming to it when it got a lawsuit for yet another one of its shoddily tested products.

What resulted from dispositions from each of the employees was a breach in trust.  Find out what happened between Ted and Linda and to our favorite scientists Phil and Lem in our "Trust and Consquence" recap.

Now for some of our favorite Better Off Ted quotes from the episode.

Veronica: Remember that perfume your team developed about a year ago? In 3 out of 5,000 women, it reacts with their body chemistry and attracts hornets who want to mate with them.
Ted: And when the hornets realize they've been deceived, do they just laugh it off?
Veronica: If by "laugh" you mean sting over and over again in endless waves of fury, then yes, they have a wonderful sense of humor | permalink

Lem: MIT was the best: the academic clubs, the dorms, the guys, the girl. | permalink

Veronica: We can't let the CEO take the blame, and you're the one who blabbed.
Linda: But I'm the only one who did the right thing.
Veronica: Well, you know what we call that? Irony | permalink

We don't care how nice it is outside in the summer.  We're eternally grateful to ABC for bringing us new episodes of Better Off Ted and giving us an excuse to sit on our couches.

Last night's episode was one of the funniest in the series history, as we saw the whole office do a little shuffle when the company's biocomputer, Johnny, sprung a hazardous leak.

The situation led to Ted office rooming with Linda and then Veronica, and a beautiful girl, Lucy, sharing an office with Lem.  Read our "Bioshuffle" recap to find out what happened.

Now read some of our favorite Better Off Ted quotes from the episode.

Phil: Why don't you go talk to her?
Lem: Talk to her? Would you talk to a rainbow or a sunset?
Phil: If I wanted to get it on with refracted light, I would.
Lem: If only I was a worm. i could cut myself in two and date my lower half.
Phil: We all wish we were worms, Lem, but that's never going to happen | permalink

Ted: Yes, a biocomputer. It's half machine, half living organism. If you think that sounds creepy, you should see it at feeding time. | permalink

Veronica: You did this, Phil. And to recognize your efforts, we're promoting you to Senior Lab Associate.
Phil: Oh, I was promoted to that a year ago.
Veronica: Really? You shouldn't have been. You probably owe the company some money. I'll check into that for you.
Phil: Thank you | permalink

Last night's Better Off Ted was all about why you should not be friends with your boss.  Linda learned this as she attempted to comfort Veronica and was forced to listen to problem after problem being dumped on her.

Ted, meanwhile, followed Lem and Phil to their medieval fight club where he ended up being their boss at that too.  Find out how the underlings solved their problems in our "You Are the Boss of Me" recap.

Now, more importantly, check out some of our favorite Better Off Ted quotes from the episode.

Veronica: I once slept with my boyfriend's therapist to find out if he was cheating with me. He wasn't | permalink

Veronica: I'll take you to breakfast--somewhere where the meals don't end with the word "slam."
Linda: I don't know. I've got a lot of work to do on the Doppler Project.
Veronica: You're with the boss. Relax. Besides, I can give the Doppler Project to Joe.
Linda: Really? Because I do hate the Doppler Project.
Veronica: And I hate Joe. So everybody wins | permalink

Phil: Medieval Fight Night two nights in a row? Man, my codpiece just got tighter | permalink

Lem: I always thought Veronica lived here.
Phil: Me, too. You know, she just finds a comfortable chair and powers down for the night | permalink

Thanks to ABC, summer programming won't consist solely of reality TV and episodes of already-canceled programs.

Better Off Ted returns tonight with the first of six new episodes. The comedy, which will return for a second season this fall,  comes back this evening with an installment that weighs the idea of whether a boss can also be a friend.

During the half hour, Veronica shares far too much about her personal live with Linda and Ted. Here's a clip:

As for the next six weeks, star Jay Harrison dished on what fans can expect to see:

We get a chance to see a little bit of Portia's dual life. We develop a technology that scans photos -- instead of finding text like Google does, it's more of facial recognition. So anything that's been on the Internet forever comes up.

We use her as an example in the meeting and we find a peculiar position, sort of a moonlighting gig that she's been doing. [Laughs] It's not as nefarious as it sounds. It's more of a relationship she may or may not have had with a magician. So we get to see a different side of Portia's character, which is nice.

Looks like Joss Whedon isn't the only person getting some good news.  Hot on the heels of Dollhouse getting renewed, ABC couldn't help but steal some of Fox's thunder.

ABC announced yesterday that Castle and Better Off Ted will both be getting second seasons.  Congrats to both mid seaosn shows!

In more surprising news, ABC has announced that Scrubs will be getting a ninth season with Zach Braff set to star in six episodes.  We're not entirely sure how we feel about that after the perfect season eight season finale.

ABC has also green lit Cougar Town, Hank, The Middle, Happy Town, V, Eastwick, and The Forgotten.

Last night was the season finale of the incredibly short first season of Better Off Ted.  During the episode, company morale was low and Veridian Dynamics was ready to do whatever it took.

Veronica tried to clean up her image by giving more compliments, Ted tried to please middle management over fifty, and Linda got her cubicle theming approved.

Find out if morale improved in our "Get Happy" recap.

Now for our favorite Better Off Ted quotes from the episode:

Manny: Ted, you're so put together. It's like you stepped out of a magazine. Didn't you ever get a mustard stain on your shirt, or a hooker's vomit on your pants?
Ted: Well, I did do one of those things when I was twelve at a baseball game. I won't tell you which one it is, but it was the game of my life | permalink

Veronica: Another time, another place. Two other people, it could have been magniflorious.
Phil: You mean that?
Veronica: I do. Particularly the part about two other people | permalink

Phil: My wife says I wouldn't know comedy if it ripped my face off.
Veronica: Good for you for having a wife | permalink

First off it looks there's some good news for Better Off Ted, which has yet to receive its second season renewal.  Jonathan Slavin (Phil) tells E! Online, "We've been shooting more episodes. We have five more in the can, so that's a good sign."

His partner in crime on the show Malcom Barrett (Lem) both feel "optmistic" about the show coming back.  The duo also says that upcoming episodes reveal more about Veronica's life.  They saym "There's another side to her that you find out."

Additionally it looks like the bachelor of the two, Lem, will even be going on a date.  As far as Ted and Linda getting together, it's not gonna happen on tonight's finale.  Malcom says, "It's too soon. Maybe next season."

Hurry up and give us a next season then ABC!