Two and a Half Men is the successful CBS comedy starring Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer as brothers who live together with Alan's son, their half man, Jake.
Jake: If drinking makes you feel bad, why do you drink? Charlie: Nobody likes a smart ass, kid. Jake: You have to put a dollar in the swear jar. You said "ass." Charlie: Tell you what. Here's a twenty. That ought to cover me until lunch
Woman [to Charlie about Jake]: You guys are really great together. Charlie: Thanks. Woman: Your wife must be proud. Charlie: Oh, no, I'm not married. Woman: Too bad. Charlie: Wow, you're even better than a dog