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Parenthood

Adam: Is there a difference between a g-string and a thong?
Crosby: Woah - perv! Put that down!

Honey, our son is the new president at Cedar Knoll Middle School. God help us all.

Crosby: Look, I know you didn't want a full house. I'm sorry I'm early, but I love Kristina, too, so I will hang out in the cafeteria or whatever, but I'm not leaving the hospital. I can get you some barbecue potato chips or come tea or something.
Adam: Tea.

Sarah: We were in the dark room. We were developing...
Adam: The dark room? What? Are you in seventh grade?

No, I don't want tea. Why does everybody keep asking me if I want tes? Since when have I been a tea drinker? I hate tea!

Max: You know, if you eat anything before your surgery, you could throw up into your breathing tube and inhale it into your lungs.
Adam: Max, stop.
Max: If you ever do that, it's a hundred percent death rate.

Adam: I'm sure he's going to be fine, honey. Crosby said he was going to 'totes' handle it.
Kristina: I don't know what that means, 'totes' handle it.

Crosby: What can I do to alleviate some of this stress for ya?
Adam: Don't ever touch me again. Let's start with that.

Max: You're both fascists. It's unfair. I'm reporting you both to the House Un-American Activities Commission.
Adam: Yeah, well, you're going to have a hard time getting in touch with them because the House Un-American Activities Committee was disbanded for being un-American!

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