Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCPopular Agent Phil Coulson Quotes
Ward: So Director Fury faked your death to motivate the Avengers?
Hill: The death of a comrade is a particularly effective motivator.
Coulson: It wasn't that big of stretch, I stopped breathing for 40 seconds
Hill: That time gets longer each time you tell it.
Coulson: You get shanked by the Asgardian Mussolini and you can tell it your way.
Agent Hill did a very detailed assessment of your last three missions. Combat, top grades; Espionage, highest marks since Agent Romenoff. Under people skills, she drew what I think is a little poop, with knives sticking out of it.
Hill: It was a porcupine, not a poop.
Coulson: No, I'm pretty sure [looks at book]
Coulson: Agent May.
May: No.
Coulson: So you've been briefed.
May: I'm not going back into the field.
Coulson: Yeah, because you such a nice setup here. [looks at piles of papers] Ever thought about adding a moat?
Coulson: We'll be making the calls, picking the ops, no red tape. [looks around] This is where they actually make the red tape isn't it?
May: You're really just asking me to drive the bus?
Coulson: No. [smiles] It's a really nice bus.
Coulson: This is QMB-T16, it's the top-shelf martini of sodium thiopental. It's a brand new and extremely potent truth drug. Don't worry the effects only last about an hour.
Ward: You'll have a nice little nap, and we'll have all the answer...[Coulson injects him] Ouch!
Coulson: Did that hurt?
Ward: No, you've lost your mind. You should never do that to a member of your team. And yes, it did hurt a little bit, but I try to mask my pain in front of a beautiful woman, it makes me seem more masculine. MY GOD this stuff works fast.
Skye: What is an "O 84"
Coulson: You have exactly 10 minutes to decide if you want to know.
Skye: There is no way we can get back to the airfield in 10 mins.
Coulson: [presses button] The tide is rising.
Ward: Skye, the girl is not qualified to be a Shield agent.
Coulson: That's why I invited her on as a consultant. Shield does it all the time. Technically Stark is a consultant.
Skye: Sweet ride.
Coulson: I earned a little good will from Direct Fury when I got hit right before the battle of New York.
Skye: You took a bullet?
Coulson: "ish".
Skye: I don't even know where we are going.
Coulson: Peru. That's where the 084 was reported.
Skye: And an 0-8-4 is?
Coulson: Object of unknown origin, kind of like you. Team goes in determines if it's useful or poses a threat. Last one turned out to be pretty interesting.
Skye: What was the last one?
Coulson: A hammer.
We still need to iron out the kinks, but Ward you can speak 6 languages, Simmons you have 2 PHD's in fields I cannot pronounce, and Fitz you ARE a rocket scientist, so work it out.
Hill: For that you will have to ask Agent Coulson.
Ward: I'm clearance level 6, I know that Coulson died before the battle of New York,
Coulson: [steps out of shadow] Welcome to level 7. Sorry, that corner was really dark, I couldn't help myself. I think there's a bulb out.
