I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

On this show, all three judges are mean.

Hey Andy, you're making the worst mistake of your life. You're not talented. Well...right back at ya Daryl.

I've been trying to act and manage this branch. Half the time I don't know if I'm wearing my stage makeup or my work makeup.

Andy: What's the mouse's name?
Guy: It really doesn't make sense to name the mice. They're kind of like cannon fodder.

Phyllis: Her hair looks beautiful.
Andy: Yeah we get it Phyllis. She looks like a freakin' movie star!

I wanted to be my generation's Lisa Loeb.

I guess I can cancel my order from Zappos.com, because oh the loafers have arrived.

When I got the nickname Bonerchamp, that's when I became me.

She'll make a wonderful mother to any child who can overlook weird accents.

Banana cream's the first to go. We'll be lucky to get pumpkin at this point.

Nellie! Get your wrinkly old balls in here.

The Office Quotes

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.


Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.