Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks-and-recreation

Donna: OK, so, here's where it gets a little dicey 'cause there's not that many celebrities from Indiana. So, um, a Nascar. Uh, my friend Becky, Ron Swanson...
Leslie: Donna, who's the Jesus?
Donna: That would be Greg Kinnear.
Leslie: Do you think he's the best choice for Jesus? I mean he was great on ER.
Tom: Greg Kinnear wasn't in ER.
Leslie: Yeah he was.
Ann: I don't think that he was.
Leslie: Who am I thinking of?

Tom: That looks like something a death row convict would make in art therapy.
Ann: Dude, I tried.
Tom: And you failed.

I'm a terrible artist. But the Parks Department has done so much for me, that if I can help them out in any way I will. Oh god. Maybe I should just give them all free flu shots.

Ann: That looks like something you would find on the wall of a serial killer.
Leslie: In a way, that's a compliment. Shows dedication.

Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's just the best. And I don't have to work! Hey slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens... pump your own stomachs this year!

Leslie, the man lived in a pit. OK, he couldn't find a place to live on the Earth's surface so he went under the ground. You're dealing with a grown man who thinks like a gopher.

Andy [about Mark]: I don't get it. What does he have that I don't have?
Ann: Are you serious?
Andy: Yeah.
Ann: Everything. He has literally everything you don't have. A job, a car, a steady income, an address, a second pair of shoes, table manners, the ability to say tampon without giggling.

Ann: We should have checked before to see if you were... home.
Andy: Oh no, I told you. I moved out of the pit. I decided to go back because I forgot my headphones. And I laid down on this really comfy tarp, I saw this old cereal box I hadn't read before so I must have drifted off.

Andy: I thought I'd give back to those less fortunate than myself.
Ann: You live in a pit.

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