NCIS

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Ncis
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Ziva: I remember my first fight. I was eight. Shmuel Rubinstein.
Tony: Sounds like a real stud.
Ziva: One punch and it was over.
Tony: What did poor Shmuel do to deserve the wrath of Ziva?
Ziva: He said he liked me.

Doug: Stop talking to me like that.
Tony: Stop lying to me like that.

[to Ziva] Think about it. First you had your little Miami vice, now Prince Albert in a can. Oh, they can't help it. You're just a walking Israeli love machine.

Ziva: I'm sorry if I hurt you in all of this. It was never intended. Tony, I care too much about our...friendship. I do not want it to be awkward between us.
Tony: Hey. [Kisses her forehead.] Nothing's awkward between friends.

Gibbs: The plane's missing.
Tony: It's been Kai-jacked!
Ziva: Did you really just say that?
Tony: I regret it already.

Ziva: DiNozzo, pull it together.
Tony: Kids. This is way above my pay grade. I spent the afternoon in a child care clinic when I almost lost my life.
Ziva: Stop stop stop stop. We're doing the director a favor, okay? We just need to be here, we need to be normal. Can you just please do that for a few hours?
Tony: Sure. Fine.
Ziva: Fine.
Tony: Only because you asked nicely.

McGee, stroke my plumage.

Tony: Tell me. What can I do? What do you need?
Ziva: Revenge.

Deena Bashan: Why should she have the man that she loves when she took mine from me?
Tony: I'm going to find her.
Deena Bashan: Ziva is gone Agent DiNozzo. When she left me that night she was not the same person.

(in an "anchorman" voice) In a tragic story of obsessive hobbying turned deadly, an NCIS Agent was discovered in his basement crushed between a large, homemade boat and an even larger bottle of bourbon. Film at eleven!

McGee: If you don't like my rules you can find someone else to drive you in.
Tony: All I wanted was to stop for coffee. I was willing to treat.
McGee: No one eats or drinks in my car.
Tony: Well I guess sex is out of the question.

I mean, sure, Tim, you're kids are going to be smart, but mine have a shot at being really beautiful.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 270 in total

NCIS Quotes

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.