I'm confused. Are you having trouble building a case against me? Do you need the Navy's help?

Katz

Tony: We were hoping, Tiffany, that you could...
Tiffany: Trace this to a particular buyer.
Tony: Good guess!
Tiffany: You're cops. This is evidence. Duh.

McGee: You and Zoe broke up?
Tony: You heard.
McGee: Why didn't you tell me?
Tony: Well the break-up bug's going around. Didn't want you to catch it.

Bishop: We're about to go live. What are you guys talking about?
McGee and Tony: Star Wars.

Sonja: Tony DiNozzo. Why does your name ring a bell?
Tony: I'm kind of a legend in the NCIS world.
Sonja: I don't know anything about that. I transferred from ATF.
Tony: ATF? Ever work with Zoe Keates?
Sonja: Yeah. Training exercises in Georgia. You two are dating!
Tony: Ah. Well that's over now.
Sonja: Well I hope for your sake she ended it, cause that girl was mean on the jujitsu mat.
Tony: I miss that.

Abby: Luca, this is very special Agent Tony DiNozzo. Tony, this is my little brother Luca.
Tony: It's nice to meet you, Luca. You're under arrest.

Tony: He's a dead man. Bishop's the last person you'd expect to slit someone's throat in their sleep.
McGee: Which would make her the first.
Tony: Now you're catching on.
Bishop: You know I can hear every word you're saying.
Tony: That's impossible. I'm whispering.

Tony: I got it. You dumped Jake.
McGee: Like a hot potato.
Tony: Dumped him.

Tony: Special Agent Fornell! Look at that. Your hair grew back, almost.
Fornell: You see, this is why you're my least favorite, DiNozzo. [Glances at McGee] Scratch that. Second least favorite.

Tony: Name of the boat is crucial. I had mine picked out for years. Go ahead, you'll never guess.
McGee: The Codfather.
Tony: We've been working together too long.

Fornell: All right, this is too pathetic. Grab your stuff, let's go.
Tony: Go where?
Fornell: My house.
Tony: You're inviting me to your house for Thanksgiving dinner? I thought I was your second-least favorite?
Fornell: You are. But dry turkey, blackened dinner rolls....it's really more of a punishment.
Tony: So now that we're friends, can I call you Toby?
Fornell: Don't push your luck.

McGee: You know I once dated a girl who had pteronophobia.
Tony: What is that?
McGee: A fear of being tickled with a feather.
Tony: That's interesting. Kinky. Wait a minute. You haven't dated that many people. Do I know this person? Is it Delilah?
McGee: No. It's not Delilah.
Tony: Is it Abby? It is! It's Abby!
McGee: Listen. She will kill me, okay? You have to promise, promise that you will not tell her.
Tony: I promise. You have my word as a gentleman, I promise.

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.