McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
Abby: Okay.

Tony: It's weird doing this stuff without her [Abby] isn't it? It's like going to a puppet show, except all the puppets are just laying there on the stage. These dead puppets. Sorry.
Ziva: Why are you sorry?
Tony: It's ...
Ziva: My father dies and all of a sudden you cannot talk to me about dead puppets. I'm fine, Tony.

Ziva: All warehouses are the same.
Tony: Up there with old houses, churches and prisons. Gives me the willies.
Ziva: Is that the thing where people lick their fingers and them they put it in someone's ear?
Tony: That's a wet willy.

Trust us, Bishop. The Abby dating world is a vortex you do not want to get sucked into. Sometimes it's complicated. Just let Abby be Abby.

Tony: You're enjoying this a little too much, aren't you Eugene?
Coyle: Just doing my job.

Gibbs: Book 'em, Dan-ozzo.
Tony: Nice Hawaii Five-O reference, boss.

I think we've found the entire cast of Hee Haw.

Salim: [re: truth serum] It will not take long for it to start working.
Tony: You're gonna be dead soon, you know.

Tony: Now me, I like a challenge. Pulling one over on Gibbs - that would be a feat for the ages.
McGee: What do you have - a death wish?
Tony: I like to live dangerously.

Ziva: This is Gibbs' boat.
Abby: This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery!
McGee: What mystery? Who the dead guys were?
Ziva: Or who killed them.
Tony: Or how they ended up on the boat.
Abby: Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement!

Tony: Maybe I was wrong about a lot of people.
Gibbs: Are we still talking about the case?
Tony: It's so interesting. No one will say her name. Have you noticed? It's like she's dead. Every time I look at her desk, every time I close my eyes....I just feel like I made a mistake. Like I made the wrong decision. Only it wasn't me who decided. So yeah - I'm probably wrong to think Anton's innocent in all this.
Gibbs: I'll trust you any time.

Jones: If I'd know you were coming I would have stayed and baked cookies.
Tony: Hey. I have to ask.
Jones: Brisco kept me so high I barely remember crawling out of that place on my hands and knees. I found a gun that he left behind and I hid in a storm drain across the street until the drugs got out of my system. Agent DiNozzo, if I was in on this, why would I risk coming back for Melody?

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
Abby: Okay.