High-tech case - low-tech ass-kickin'!

This was no boating accident.

McGee, not me? McGoo, you?

Bishop: I don't get drunk.
Tony: I'm sorry. I didn't understand what you said.
Bishop: It's physically impossible for me. I tried in college. Can't. Ask my husband.
Tony: There are a lot of things I want to ask your husband.

Tony: ...but lucky for us we've got morning check-ins, email chain letters. Hey - international coffees of the week.
McGee: Yeah that Indonesian Wildboar blend was pretty bitter.
Tony: Bitter. Coffee almost killed me. Seriously, that's dangerous stuff. It's like putting a hot poker up my bum.

Ziva: These chocolates are delicious!
Gibbs: Hey, dad. Stop making my team fat.
Ziva: Gibbs, why didn't you tell us your father was coming?
Gibbs: I didn't think he'd actually show. Go ahead, have another one, bubble butt.
Tony: It's my metabolism slowing with age.

Ziva: This reminds me of the forests I used to have fun in as a child.
Tony: Find that hard to believe.
Ziva: What? That Israel had forests?
Tony: No, that you had fun as a child.

Bishop: So. Military school, huh?
Tony: So. Yeah.
Bishop: Uniforms, PT, drills....
Tony: Those are all things that happen at military school, yes.
Bishop: How'd you end up there?
Tony: It was Senior's Hail Mary - trying to straighten me out after six boarding schools in four years.

Tony: Oh, glad you could join us McTardy.
McGee: Where's the bossman? I need a superior to sign off on this.
Tony: Hand it over, I'm clearly superior to you in so many ways.

Gibbs: The plane's missing.
Tony: It's been Kai-jacked!
Ziva: Did you really just say that?
Tony: I regret it already.

Flynn: Jeff Daniels wasn't in Tron, that was Jeff Bridges.
Tony: Flynn, you are a fan.

Gibbs: How's your love life, DiNozzo?
Tony: Huh?
Gibbs: You still seeing the secretary?
McGee: He means Andrea.
Bishop: Andrea. Hmm. Who's Andrea?
Tony: Andrea. Oh yeah. Yeah. She's uh, I mean, it's kind of on an as-needed basis.
Pride: Friends with benefits?
Gibbs: Yeah well those aren't benefits like dental insurance.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.