Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

Tony: You must have had a rough childhood. Normally I would take great pleasure in breaking a clown like you down nice and slow. But considering that you conspired with a terrorist and you are responsible for the torture and murder of a United States Marine, I'm a little pissed off and pressed for time.
Ashmore: Hey good cop. You wanna step in here?
McGee: You're on your own.

Abby: Luca, this is very special Agent Tony DiNozzo. Tony, this is my little brother Luca.
Tony: It's nice to meet you, Luca. You're under arrest.

Tony: Dear noble eastern white pine, this is from Abby Sciutto. She said you would know what to do with it. There you go. There, I said it. Are you happy?
McGee: I'm happy and Abby will be very happy.

Palmer: Hey, are you coming back to work?
Tony: Of course I am. Why wouldn't I/
Palmer: I don't know. You're a single dad now, Tony. An agent in the line of fire. Wasn't sure you'd want to juggle.

Fornell: You looking for a fight, DiNozzo?
Tony: No. Not particularly. Are you?
Fornell: A little bit.

McGee: Gibbs would never leave you out of the loop on something like this.
Tony: He didn't.
Bishop: You knew? So why bother fighting with her?
Tony: She fights back. I have a type.

Tony: So here's what I'm thinking. You jump on a later plan, and we all go out and have a little family dinner.
Tony Sr.: I love you, Tony.  I love you.

Tony: Well, you're off on your own, Ziva. I'm already enlightened. I know exactly where I am. It may not be pretty, but I am DiNozzo. Hear me roar.
Ziva: Like an elephant.

McGee: You and Zoe broke up?
Tony: You heard.
McGee: Why didn't you tell me?
Tony: Well the break-up bug's going around. Didn't want you to catch it.

No name, but Marge Simpson was a regular.

McGee: Thanks for volunteering me.
Tony: C'mon. You said you always wanted to travel.
McGee: On my own time.
Tony: On your own dime? Are you crazy, you could never afford this!

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.