Tony: How many languages do you speak?
Ziva: Including the language of love? Ten.

Ziva: So this is where a redthroat would hang out after being overseas for months.
Tony: It's not redthroat, it's redneck.
Ziva: Oh.

Ziva: Bah hum-bog.
Tony: What?

Ziva: That's him. Over there.
Tony: With his brother Darryl and his other brother Darryl?

[answers phone] DiNozzo desk.

High-tech case - low-tech ass-kickin'!

Gibbs: Book 'em, Dan-ozzo.
Tony: Nice Hawaii Five-O reference, boss.

Gibbs: The plane's missing.
Tony: It's been Kai-jacked!
Ziva: Did you really just say that?
Tony: I regret it already.

Tony: [after woman fires rifle at the door]: Who do you think you are, Sarah Palin?

Ziva: And what do you know about the American Dream?
Tony: I'm a white male between the ages of 18 and 49 with a gun. I AM the American Dream.

Ziva: For my sanity, can you not call me Probie?
Tony: But I say it with love.

Tony: You seem to be attracted to men who have a hard time staying alive.
Sarah: I'm attracted to men with honor. Dignity. Who serve their country.

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.