Tony: So help me, McBlivious, if you don't pounce on that hot Israeli action I will never forgive you.
McGee: Gabby's a spy, Tony. Flirting's just another weapon in her arsenal.
Tony: And what an arsenal, huh? That wasn't just flirting, Tim. That was....flirting. For whatever reason, she's caught the mc-fever and you're the only cure.

Tony DiNozzo: Shabbat dinner?
Ziva David: It is Friday night. But I have no idea what or who you're talking about.
Tony DiNozzo: Just tell him Agent Meatball says "hi".

I bet she's a panther in the sack!

Male friends only want to sleep with you. Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, When Harry Met Sally.

No name, but Marge Simpson was a regular.

Doug: Stop talking to me like that.
Tony: Stop lying to me like that.

[to Ziva] Think about it. First you had your little Miami vice, now Prince Albert in a can. Oh, they can't help it. You're just a walking Israeli love machine.

Ziva: Apologize.
Tony: What for?
Ziva: For being you.
Tony: Sweetheart, if I had a dollar for every time I did that, I'd be loaded.

Dempsey: Who's he?
Tony: Public affairs officer.
Dempsey: You brought your publicist to a bomb threat?

Who's the new face of NCIS? You're lookin' at it, McEnvy.

Come on, $22 a pound for rib eye? That's the real crime.

Tony: You need some lady advice.
Tim: I'd rather get a lap dance from a nun.

NCIS Quotes

I am an NCIS special agent. My duty is to serve and protect the United States, and our Navy and Marine Corps across global boundaries. I recognize my badge as a symbol of authority and public trust. I will live my life above reproach, understanding my actions reflect upon my fellow special agents, and our agency.

Tony

Tali: Eema.
Tony Senior: What does that mean? Eema?
Tony: Hebrew. Means mother, mom.
Tali: [pointing at Tony in photo] Abba.
Tony: Tali, what did you say?
Tali: [points at Ziva] Eema. [points at Tony] Abba.
Tony: Abba?
Tony Senior: Daddy.
Tony: Ziva must have told her. She knows me. That's right, Tali.