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April: Babe, wake up!
Andy: That’s my spaghetti, Chewbacca.

April: Favorite book?
Donna: Downton Abbey.
April: That’s not a…
Donna: Downton. Abbey.

April: Every year we would dress up as demons and we would egg Larry’s house.
Larry: That was you?
Chris: Please, Larry, this is a private conversation.

I’m going to murder you a thousand times!

April: Parks can only be reserved for witch covens or slip and slide competitions. Which one are you?
Nadia: Umm, slip and slide competition.
April: Seriously?

Tyynifer: You're so awesome right now. You're like a skinny Mother Theresa.
April: It's Dwyane Wade's house. I got the address off the internet. I really hope he's there when she walks in and throws a basketball at her head.

She's the worst person I've ever met. I want to travel the world with her.

I'm sorry, is your name Jennifer?
Tyynifer. No, it's Tyynifer with two ys. It used to be Jennifer, but then I decided to re-brand myself. Oh wait, it's Xanax-o'clock.

I'm April Ludgate Kvorkian.

Andy: I have no idea how to run a nonprofit.
April: Hey, you shined shoes for two years and never earned a profit.

To be perfectly honest, Mouserat's music is not my thing. I really only listen to like German death reggae, Halloween sound effects from the 1950s, and Bette Midler. Obviously.

April: Torturing Jerry was my favorite thing in the world. Next to making out with you.
Andy: Remember when we did that at the same time? It made him so uncomfortable!

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 117 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy
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