I’ll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with a glass of your cheapest white wine served in a dog bowl. Silly straws all around, please.

I think we can agree that all wine tastes the same and if you spend any more than 5 dollars on wine, you are very stupid!

This comes from your mother’s butt.

Principal: How old are you?
April: He’s 33 and I’m 47/Immortal.

I’m just an impartial bunny, but I think Ann sucks! And also, I’m the Zodiac Killer!

Leslie: Now is lady time.
April: You sound like a tampon commercial.

Leslie: What’s the 411? Who you crushin’ on these days?
April: Ew, my husband, weirdo.

Ann’s leaving town. Ann’s saying painful goodbyes. Greatest day of my life!

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April: Babe, wake up!
Andy: That’s my spaghetti, Chewbacca.

April: Favorite book?
Donna: Downton Abbey.
April: That’s not a…
Donna: Downton. Abbey.

April: Every year we would dress up as demons and we would egg Larry’s house.
Larry: That was you?
Chris: Please, Larry, this is a private conversation.

Parks & Rec Quotes

April is the best, but she's 20. When April was born I was already in third grade, which means if we were friends back then I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don't know anything about infant care. Oh my god I could have killed her.

Andy

Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.

Leslie