The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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For once the Indian has been outsourced.

Convenience forever, freshness never!

The hot dogs spin counter clockwise in fear when you arrive.

Apu: Mr. Homer, you inadvertently left your nuclear power plant ID in the birthday card rack.
Homer: I can't lose that, it's the best picture I have.
Apu: I am more concerned with global terrorism. America's enemies would give anything for your nuclear knowledge.
Homer: Yeah. I do know a lot about nuclears.
Apu: And America has so many enemies: Iran, Iraq, China, Mordor, the hoochies that laid low Tiger Woods, undesirable immigrants, by which I mean everyone that came after me, including my children.

Oh my god! If a dead fish and a homeless person had a baby and the baby puked, and a dog ate the puke, this smells like the rear end of that dog!

</i> Apu

(to Skinner) It would be a shame if the next fire you fought was in hell!

Apu: Mr Burns, just jump into the net!
Mr. Burns: What's in it for me?
Moe: Just jump!

Apu: Are you suggesting we should steal?
Moe: Hey, it ain't stealing if you take it fast.

He was a good man. (He rips of Skinners leg and eats it) A good, moist man.

</i> Apu

(While playing Earthland Realms)
Apu: That Cobra King over there is actually Snake.
Snake: The prison guards think I'm getting my online law degree. Haw haw.

(Marge reads The Inquisitor at the Quik-E-Mart)
Marge: Sideshow Mel is in a custody battle? And it's getting bitter?
Apu: Read one more thing, and it's a purchase!
Marge: "Experts disagree on location of Heaven"?
Apu: Purchase!

(at therapy)
Apu: He used to rob me two, three times a week. Now, I'm lucky if I get it once a month.
Snake: He never initiates it; I have to do all the work. He just stands there.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 66 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!