The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Barney Gumble Quotes
Barney: You know, I heard the jackpot is up to one hundred and thirty million dollars.
Homer: PFF!...ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY MILLION DOLLARS!!!!
Barney: Did you say one hundred and thirty million dollars?
Homer: Yeah!
Barney: Wow!
Alright, a peanut!
</i> Barney
Barney: What are these axes for?
Chief Wiggum: I dunno, chopping stuff.
Barney: Gotcha. (chops down the Simpson's mailbox)
Chief Wiggum: That's some nice choppin'.
Homer: Moe, have you ever felt unattractive?
Moe: Mmmm, no.
Homer: How about you, Barney?
Barney: Not for a second! (*belch*)
(Homer finds Barney chomping on a severed arm)
Homer: Barney, not you too!
Barney: I'm not a zombie, but hey, when in Rome.
Uh oh, my heart just stopped..... oh, there it goes.
Moe: Barney, don't steal any beer while I'm gone.
Barney: What kind of pathetic drunk do you take me for? Somebody spilled beer in this ashtray!
Moe: Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney: Maybe your standards are too high! (bar laughs)
Moe: (To Bart) You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!
Moe: Linda Ronstadt?! How did you get her?
Barney: Ah, we've been looking for a project to do together for a while.
Ronstadt: When the snow starts a-fallin', There's a man you should be callin', That's KL5-4796, Let it ring! Mr. Plow is a loser and I think he is a boozer.
Barney: So you better make that call to the Plow King!
Homer: There's a $10,000 bill in it for you.
Barney: Oh yeah? Which president's on it?
Homer: Uh, all of them. They're having a party. Jimmy Carter's passed out on the couch.
Barney: If Homer wants to be a woman, so be it.
Homer: Barney, I'm not getting a sex change!
