Barney: See the blonde over there by the bar? Tizzarget acquizzired!Robin: Barney, don't do this ...
Barney: Oh, give it a rest, pest.
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Girl: Really, a genie comes out of it?
Barney: Only if you rub it hard enough.
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Barney: I think we all know who's responsible for this.
Lily: Yes we do.
Barney: Al Qaeda.
Lily: No, you idiot. It was me.
Barney: YOU sonofabitch!!!
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Barney: [narrating] All you have to walk up to every single girl and say "He's not coming."
Girl: What are you talking about?
Barney: Never mind.
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Barney: The Lorenzo van Matterhorn will be my triumphant return to the stage! Or, you know, the bed. Actually, my bed is kind of a stage. I could put a platform underneath, make it a real production ...
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Barney: Cheap tricks? Not one of these is a cheap trick! [pauses] Well, except for the Cheap Trick.
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Barney: I hope you're happy with yourself. You broke that girl's heart!
Lily: Me?!
Barney: You! She'll probably never trust a guy again. You ruined her for Ted! Not to mention Julio van Matterhorn, Lorenzo's twin brother.
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Lily: That is awful. You realize you broke her heart, right? She's inconsolable!
Barney: Why would she be inconsolable? Lorenzo's balloon won't disappear over the arctic for another week.
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Lily: Don't you think you're rushing back into this?
Barney: Lily, since I stopped dating Robin, there's this thing I haven't used as much as I would like. It's kind of big. Surprisingly heavy. Kind of leathery. And it's black.
Lily: Huh?
Barney: This, my friends, is the playbook!
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Barney: An actress? Of course, that explains her impeccable diction and her slutiness
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Total Quotes: 315
