How I Met Your Mother

Barney Stinson Quotes

Robin: A week from today we are going to be legend, wait for it...
Barney: Married!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: I only have one rule. For every three 10's you bang, throw a bone to a 5. They're grateful and hard working and let's face it, sometimes you just want to lay there.
Laser Tag Kid: What's that got to do with Laser Tag?
Barney: Everything!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Stand up straight Cayden!
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney Stinson: You didn't vet the stripper?!?
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney Stinson: Shut it Ralph Maccio! Why don't you go have a party with Luke Skywalker and Harry Potter and War Horse and all the other movie bad guys and stop ruining mine!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

20 Years From Now Barney: Hey Ted, what's this I hear slash remember about you not wanting to see Robots vs. Wrestlers?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Barney: Um a little thing called rigor mortis?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Ah Ted, your first day at the salon and you want to do a cut and color?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Ted what is my one rule?
Ted: You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Flax seed relieves upset stomach?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Always have a fake pair of concert tickets in your pocket in case Lily invites you to something stupid?
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: Labanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there.
Barney: My other one rule.
Ted: New is always better?
Barney: New is always better!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Crazy stories are my thing! You have architecture, Marshall has the law, Lily has art, Robin has pleasing me sexually. You all have a passion that drives you. Well if I have a passion it's taking life and turning it into a series of crazy stories. If you can do that without me, then I don't even know who I am anymore.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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