Howard: So, this one's on God.
Bernadette: That might be a little more convincing if you didn't have a mouth full of bacon cheeseburger.
Howard: My religion's kinda loosey-goosy. Basically, as long as you have your schmekel clipped and don't wear a cross, you're good.

Amy: I feel like I'm in high school again.
Bernadette: Yeah, doing the prom queen's homework, so she'll like us.
Amy: I know. It's finally working.

Howard: Two weeks ago I was an astronaut.
Bernadette: Yeah, well, now you're a Smurf. Keep walking.

No, if I'm there alone, people might think I'm just a really short person from Avatar.

Uh oh, is someone a little blue?

Bernadette: I love that man.
Raj: Me too.

Bernadette's father: Here ya go.
Bernadette: Here ya go? What am I? A football?
Bernadette's father: Like that guy could catch a football.

Sheldon: I'll do it provided I can perform the service in Klingon.
Bernadette: No.
Sheldon: What do you see in her?

You lied to me. You said you told me about all the girls you've been with, but you never mentioned your cousin, the prostitute or Raj!

Raj: You know, we're not that far from my apartment. If you stop the car, I could walk from here.
Bernadette: You ain't goin' anywhere, Threeway.

Bernadette: I've actually been thinking I'm going to hyphenate: Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowski-Wolowitz.
Penny: Nice. You know, you should totally get Bernadette Maryann Rostenkowksi-Wolowitz.com before someone snaps it up.
Bernadette: Howard already took are of it. Plus he set up our beautiful wedding website with cute little facts about our family histories. Do you know for a while, in Poland, my family and his family were neighbors.
Penny: Aww, that's cool.
Amy: No, it's not. I'll explain it to you later.

Sheldon doesn't know when he's being mean because the part of his brain that should know is getting a wedgie from the rest of his brain

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon