Jessie: You're back.
Bernadette: Yes I am. There are a few more things I want to say to you. Stuart's store is just fine, and he's a much nicer person than you are, and if you still have that comic I'd like to buy it right now.
Jessie: No problem. You want a latte while you wait?
Bernadette: No I don't want a latte. I want a cappuccino and a blueberry scone.
Jessie: I only have chocolate chip.
Bernadette: Well that sounds even better.

Howard: Fake a laugh? Do you ever do that with me?
Bernadette: No, of course not.
Howard: Well, I'd be able to tell anyway.
Bernadette: I don't think you would.
Howard: Please, I've made plenty of girls laugh, sometimes just by asking them out.
Bernadette: [Laughs]
Howard: Yeah, well, I fake my orgasms.

Bernadette: How come the three of you never got an apartment together?
Leonard: We talked about it, but Howard was in a pretty serious relationship with his mom.
Howard: I lived with her to save money.
Raj: You didn't have to buy groceries because you were breast feeding.

Yeah, we were totally fine half-assing our marriage till you showed up.

Penny: Ooh, that looks like fun.
Bernadette: Maybe you should master glue before you move on to fire.

Sheldon: To the planetarium!
Penny: Let's go!
Leonard: To the Tar Pits!
Bernadette: Let's go!
Amy: There's a Neil Diamond concert next month.
Howard: Let's go!

Howard: I feel so stupid. And fat.
Bernadette: That's okay. You still look great to me. In fact, why don't we go in the bedroom and I'll prove it to you?
Howard: Sex? Really? That's just your solution for everything.

Howard: You're full of estrogen and you don't act like that.
Bernadette: That's 'cause I'm a woman. I've had years of practice riding the dragon.

Bernadette: You know, one of the things that helped me get through Howard being in space for so long was getting married before he left.
Penny: Bernadette, sweetie, shut up.

Long story short. She's on the no-fly list and we might have been followed here by a drone.

Penny: Vegas here we come.
Bernadette: No husbands. No boyfriends. No rules
Amy: No rules. We're not going to get drunk and have a six-way with the Blue Man Group, are we?
Penny: No.
Amy: So there are some rules.
Bernadette: Okay. No husbands. No boyfriends. Some rules.
Amy: Thank you. VEGAS!

Howard: When this all blows over, remember that voice. It's kind of a turn-on.
Bernadette: It turns you on when I sound like Raj?

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Hey, Sheldon, did you change your Wi-Fi password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it's "Penny, get your own Wi-Fi." No spaces.

It's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and, as it always has, rock crushes scissors

Sheldon