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Thanks again Turkleton for giving me the lift. Hitching rides with the students was not working out. The constant stops at keg parties and strip clubs. They just weren't into them. Hey, nobody hustles Kelso while in the champagne room. That is my house.

You have no idea how many times I've been out late and had to pass on my seventh drink. No more Mr. Responsible.

Dr. Cox: Say, Bobbo, you wanna weigh-in on pregnancy sex?
Dr. Kelso: It's a freak show.

Listen up, Interns! Notice the definition in the upper calf. (Lifts pant leg to reveal his oddly youthful legs) Look at it, damnit! See that. Back in 'Nam the choppers used to hover about eight feet over my head and I'd jump in. You should have seen the look on Charlie's face. (To Rex) Not the enemy, son. The pilot, Charlie-horse. Great guy. He didn't make it back. Where's the cake?

Dr. Kelso

Dr. Kelso: You know the difference between you and me, Dorian?
J.D.: Your melon-sized prostate, sir?

Dr. Kelso: Listen up, name-tags!! I need to wire some cash to my son so we can make bail. Apparently, that musical he was producing was just a front for a crystal meth lab. And heres the kicker: he fled to Toronto so now the freakin' Mounties are involved!!

Dr. Kelso: I don't want to do this.
Janitor: I will just give the video tape to the police.
Dr. Kelso: Ladies and gentle, this is your chief of medical staff Bob Kelso, I feel compelled to tell you that I do in fact fear the Janitor. Honestly, is there anyone else of such brilliant mind? So please join me basking in the glow of the Janitors awesome... This isn't a word.
Janitor: Read it!
Dr. Kelso: ...'Fearatude'. Good night.
Janitor: ...and good luck! I love that movie.

Listen Reid, normally any damage to Dr. Cox's oversize ego would be cause for celebration. And yet, for some reason I'm not wearing a party hat sitting bare-ass on the hospital's copier machine. You know why? It's not because I have "Johnny" tattooed on my butt. He was an old navy buddy and if you went through what we did you'd understand... It's because your little theory is way off.

Dr. Kelso

Carla: ...unless there are any questions, this meeting is adjourned.
Elliot: Oh!
Dr. Kelso, Turk & J.D.: Awww! Gosh!
Elliot: What?!
Dr. Kelso: For God's sake, Reid! There is a donkey-boy upstairs.

Hello Perry. I don't really know why I'm here but nurse Espinosa said that if I didn't swing by that she would stop coming over to my house and giving instructions to my pool boy. He speaks perfect English but he doesn't have any front teeth so I can never look at him without laughing.

Dr. Kelso

Turk: Damn! That boy is going to town on that carrot.
Dr. Kelso: You fellas want to go to a real donkey show? It's really very tastefully done. I understand that one of the woman who entertains the donkeys used to be on Soap.
J.D. & Turk: Pass!
Dr. Kelso: Well, standing invitation every Thursday.
J.D.: Always pass, sir.
Dr. Kelso: Well, I'll ask Mickhead.

Jordan: Hello Bob...No cheek kiss necessary.
Dr. Kelso: Oh good, I have pipe breath. Sooo...When was the last time I was here, '97? I know it has been a while because Enid could still fit through that door. I shouldn't joke, she is very ill.

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Scrubs Quotes

J.D.: My man Turk, is getting it daily and nightly and ever so rightly! Ah! What up, dogg!
J.D.'s narration: Once every 4.2 seconds a man says something stupid that a woman hears and punishes him for... luckily, this wasn't one of those times.
Carla: What did you just say?
J.D.: "What up...dogg?"

And there it was, the moment where pity was turning into genuine affection - classic Dorian.

J.D.