Holy banjo, check out boob mountain.

Bobby: Well come on Mando, you're married Ellie. You're a seasoned crazy bitch whisperer. No offense.
Laurie: You know, he once bitch whispered me down from choking out a lady from using the handicap stall. Turns out she was handicapped, but, like, barely.

Man, it's like watching your kid die in battle.

Bobby's AA Sponsor: You're drinking?
Bobby: Well it is four.

Jules: Do her nipples look like mine?
Grayson: No.
Bobby: Yeah.
Bobby: Well, I got a hold of them before Trav did.

Bobby: Hey Bud, can we talk about Laurie?
Travis: You know I really like her, huh?
Bobby: Yeah, I could tell by the way you stare at her breasts. Different from the way you stare at other breasts, more respectful.

Bobby: I feel like I'm cheating on Andy.
Travis: I'm your son so it's okay.

Andy: Ellie's just jealous because she thinks I care more about you than her.
Bobby: Do you?
Andy: Yes, it's not even close.

You can't break up a fight with your shirt on!

Bobby: I don't get this timezone crap. How can it be one time here and then another time at home. This isn't Star Trek.
Ellie: I wonder what you're doing in Florida right now.

Ugh, captain's patch has still got a little sand in it from my sea shower.

Just remember. You can't hear the world laughing at you if you're laughing harder.

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Bonnie: I'm not perfect Jules.
Jules: Really.