Well, part of your discretion is falling out of your blouse.

Lynette: You tidied up the dead guy?
Bree: I felt it was respectful at the time.

You're here. You're queer, and I'm used to it.

No, I can't kill you today. I have Pilates.

It was lovely having sex with you. Have a wonderful day.

Have you ever taken the bus at 1 o'clock in the morning, Renee? It makes you stop believing in God.

Bree: I don't like your accusatory tone.
Gaby: Well, I'd use a different tone, but I'm trying to accuse you of something.

We just need to do this in the most efficient manner possible. Find the grave, dig up the body, wrap it in a tarp, weigh it down with some bricks, and toss it into the lake. I have all of the supplies in my trunk, along with clean towels, hand sanitizers, and breathing masks... in case the stench is overwhelming.

Now, go pack up your sex factory and I will bake us some cookies.

Bree: Is this actually happening? Gaby Solis is asking us for sex tips?
Gaby: I know. It's the apocalypse.

Robber: Get out!
Bree: What?!
Robber: I'm taking your car.
Bree: Oh my God, I could kiss you.

Chuck: Don't take this the wrong way, but you could do this professionally.
Bree: Coming from a man who's on a first name basis with half the hookers in Fairview, that's quite a compliment to take, Detective.

Desperate Housewives Quotes

Bree Van de Kamp had a weekly routine she'd been following for years. She cleaned on Tuesdays. She paid her bills on Wednesdays. She did her laundry on Thursdays. And after these daily chores were completed, she would reward herself with a little drink. What Bree didn't know was this latest addition to her routine had been noticed by her friends. And it had now become part of their routine to discuss it.

Mary Alice

I love you once. I love you twice. I love you more than beans and rice.