Bree Hodge Quotes
Bree: Rex, don't get up, I'll just be a moment. (to Andrew) Now listen here. A parent has to provide for everything their children needs: an education, love, and a clean, safe home. And I've done all those things. I am through feeling sorry for myself. If you want to piss around and blame all your faults on your sorry home life, that's your business, but I want it stated for the record that I am a good mother!
Rex: Bree, Andrew told me he thinks he might be gay, and he wanted to tell me first because he thinks I could handle it better.
Bree: Well, he's right. I'll be waiting in the car
Bree: Porter, what did I tell you?
Porter: But I'm hungry.
Bree: Well, then, I will fix you a very nice bowl of peaches and cottage cheese.
Porter: Ew, barf.
Bree: Don't be common, young man
Think about how good men are at lying on the spot. Imagine if you gave them time and a pen
Bree: Camp Hennessy. Teaches kids respect for authority and boundaries in a summer camp-like atmosphere.
Rex: The perimeter is surrounded by an electrified fence!
Bree: Well, you have to admit that's an efficient way to teach respect for boundaries
Bree: Andrew, I need you to take out the trash.
Andrew: Sure.
Bree: Now, not five hours from now.
Andrew: I'm going, I'm going. God! Um, I'm meeting Justin at the mall tonight so I'm gonna need forty bucks."
Bree: No!
Andrew: What?
Bree: You no longer get an allowance.
Andrew: Fine. I'm not taking out the trash
Bree: Rex, if you walk out of this restaurant, I will scream.
Rex: Bree...
Bree: I will scream... about your cruelty. Then I will scream about your infidelity. And just to make sure it really hurts, I will scream about your distasteful sexual habits. You want to know what true humiliation is, you just take one step
Good friends offer to help in a crisis; great friends don't take no for an answer
Rex: Everybody's staring. Bree, it's humiliating.
Bree: Well, you should have thought of that before you left a personal check on Maisy Gibbon's nightstand
Maisy: I've been abandoned. I guess that what happens when you become the town whore.
Bree: Oh sweetie, they didn't abandon you because you're a whore. They abandoned you because you weren't that nice to begin with
Bree: So what are you saying, the twins killed Martha?
Lynette: Well, I wouldn't put it past them
John: Mrs. Van De Kamp.
Bree: Hello, John. I'm sorry to drop by on you, unannounced. Do you have a moment?
John: Sure. So, what can I do for you?
Bree: Well, I'll tell you. My daughter is planning on giving you her virginity and I would consider it a personal favor if you wouldn't take it
Bree: Andrew is still a child.
Rex: He's sixteen. It's not unheard of.
Bree: Honey, you have to talk to him.
Rex: And tell him what?
Bree: Tell him that we found his condom and that he is forbidden from - you know.
Rex: I can absolutely tell him that we think he's too young, but I don't think it's gonna do any good.
Bree: Well, then the least we can do is go search his room and if we find any more of these, we'll confiscate them.
Rex: And that will accomplish what?
Bree: Well, if we take away his condoms, maybe...
Rex: He's a teenage boy. We could take away his penis. He'd still try to have sex
