Bree Hodge Quotes
Bree: Paul, we've called the police.
Paul: You didn't really need to do that.
Gabrielle: We know what you did to Mrs. Huber.
Paul: Wonderful. I see you've all turned into Susan while I've been gone.
Bree: My husband, the man I spent my life with for eighteen years, died thinking that I murdered him!
Susan: What?
Bree: Yes, the cardiologist shared this moronic theory with Rex and Rex believed him!
Gabrielle: Are you sure?
Bree: Yes, because he left a note. And it said, and I quote, "Bree, I understand and I forgive you." I spent eighteen years of my life with this man. How could he not know me?
Edie: Well, maybe he was forgiving you for something else.
Bree: I have done nothing to be forgiven for! I was a fantastic wife! When he was sick, I nursed him. When we were low on money, I stayed within a budget. I cooked his meals, I mended his clothes. For the love of God, I used to check his back for acne. And that miserable son of a bitch has the nerve to understand and forgive me! Well, the joke's on him because I do not understand and I do not forgive!
Bree: Well, I have some good news. The police have finally released Rex's body.
Gabrielle: About time.
Susan: You must be so relieved.
Bree: You know, mostly I'm just annoyed that the whole thing happened in the first place. I mean, how in the world could anybody accuse me of murder?
Edie: Well, you are wound pretty tight. (everyone looks at her) What? The supermom is always first to snap. They've done studies.
Bree: Honey, the feelings that you're having are perfectly normal, but George isn't trying to take your father's place. He's, well, he's just a friend.
Andrew: Really? Just a friend? So you're not planning on getting more serious with this guy in the future?
Bree: You know, I haven't even thought about it.
Andrew: You're so transparent, it's pathetic. You're worried about a ripped T-shirt humiliating this family? Wait 'till people see that you're dating the town nerd less than a month after your husband's funeral.
Bree: Andrew, don't you have a meet at the swim club?
Andrew: Yeah. So?
Bree: Doesn't it require a large entrance fee? One that you can't afford by yourself?
Andrew: Are you blackmailing me into coming into dinner?
Bree: Oh, you don't know the lengths I'd go to for even seating.
George: I don't understand. We're just friends. Why would the police assume that people in a platonic relationship would want to murder someone?
Bree: Um, um, during the test, they asked me some questions about you and, um, us and whether we had a relationship and I said yes, because it's true. And then they asked me about something else, something I hadn't considered.
George: Which was?
Bree: They asked me if I loved you.
George: What did you say?
Bree: I said no.
George: Oh.
Bree: But according to the polygraph, that wasn't exactly true.
George: Well, I don't, I don't know if that means anything. Polygraphs aren't completely reliable.
Bree: I think perhaps the machine picked up on something, something that I wasn't aware of.
George: Wow.
Bree: That's why I need you to take the test and answer the detective's questions, because I'm not going to know exactly how I feel until we put this behind us, but then, once we do...
George: We can move on.
For God's sake Phyllis, don't you ever worry about dehydration?
Lynette: (to Bree about Phyliss) Is she gonna be alright?
Bree (Gets up and smacks a sobbing Phyllis): She'll be fine. You were saying?
Even Italians take a break now and then!
Bree: You are no longer invited to the funeral.
Phyllis: What?
Reverend Sikes: You're not serious.
Bree: Oh, yes, I am. I am going to hire security. And those security men are going to have sticks and if you so much as set foot in that sanctuary, they will be instructed to beat you with those sticks.
Reverend Sikes: Bree, this is your grief talking.
Bree: Reverend, if you don't back me up on this, so help me, I will pull the funeral out of your church!
Reverend Sikes: Bree!
Bree: I am not kidding. I will go non-denominational so fast, it will make your head spin!
Lynette, hi, it's Bree. I do hope I'm not calling too early. Hmm? Oh, of course you can borrow that scarf. I'll press it for you. Um, I have, uh, some news. Rex died.
(to Rex's corpse) You look... magnificent.
