Britta: Why don't you sell him a pill that'll make him give up on his dreams?
Annie: Relaxarex doesn't make you give up on your dreams! That's a side effect!
Britta: I'm on sabbatical.
Troy: You're Jewish??
Britta: When's the graduation ceremony?
Jeff: Never. It's community college. You send in some papers and they stop charging you.
Britta: So you just left your section blank.
Jeff: No, of course not! I copied and pasted the lyrics to "War (What Is It Good For)."
Shirley: See? Prayer works.
Britta: So does gravity, Shirley.
Shirley: And you know who invented gravity, right?
It's puppet therapy. The psychology world has recently embraced it after seeing it on "Law & Order."
Are we just gonna avoid eye contact forever? What are we, Jeff during sex?
Who's holding? I have four berries, but I'm saving them for "Laser Floyd."
Britta: We do need the money. The biology department's been dissecting the same dead pig for ten years.
Dean: If we get this money, we can buy 100 pigs and make everybody happy.
If I wanted to wait on a rich man hand and foot, I would have gone to Dubai with that sheik I met at Trader Joe's.
Britta: Psychology tells us there are no accidents.
Jeff: What about car accidents, Tara Reid, or the Hindenburg?
Britta: Jeff, why are people staring at you?
Jeff: Because they've never seen a man who's had sex before?